Thursday, December 30, 2010

FADE TO MIDNIGHT by Shannon McKenna *

Sucks for me. First you get downloaded information like you're a computer. So much background material just thrown forcefully down your throat for like 15 pages. Too much information. Then the hot sleazy sex- pussy included, shaved and all pink. Or hard stiffie over sized blahblabh.....ICKICK

I could only read 50 pages or so. I can't stand it anymore. There's a guy named Kev who you first meet as part of some experiment, then he's burned, then he's falling off a cliff of water, then he's playing poker, then he's met some other girl from back during his experiment. I have no idea what time frame we're in anymore. I got no clue. Little girls, grown up girls, experiment patients being evil or good. I don't know and really to continue would just irritate me more so buh bye.

HUSH by Kate White ***

About someone named Lake who works for a fertility clinic screws a doctor who is then murdered and writers imagination drags you to hell and not back. Lake suspects something going on at the clinic such as switched eggs, doesn't turn out to be much of a story for example the way she finds out is a stupid "code" of hair and eye color on the paperwork...how fuckin mysterious THAT IS!! LOL Then Maggie put the victims keys in her desk drawer where anyone could have taken them because her purse is too small for a key? Srsly? BWAHA. Key. It's a KEY. How big is this key? Is her purse the size of a quarter?

Lake hears someone had 10 eggs extracted yet only 3 are told to the donor who is supposed to have them reimplanted, what is the point to the story? At the end of the novel this here red herring isn't dealt with at all. I don't understand why all her hopes about this huge secret lie in the hair and eye color. That's so stupid. Then her dumbass husband and new girlfriend are trying to what...scare her? No RED HERRING. They actually end up having done nothing of all the mysterious goings on in Lake's life. The Molly-girlfriend just asks a lot of questions and tries to be her friend, and you go HUH?

Why the fuck would a killer shave her cat after following her to the Catskills? WTF is that all about? I don't get it. So a lot of bizarre happenings with no answers. Like was the killer married or not? Pregnant by a husband or the dead guy? Why was she jealous of a one night stand when he was screwing everybody within reach for 6 months? Why am I supposed to connect with Lake the Liar? She lies about everything to her new boyfriend, her friends, cops. I mean...I don't like liars so I don't care if someone wants to kill her...have at it! :P

Monday, December 27, 2010

CURE by Robin Cook *****

Always a good book from Cook! Intense medical drama. The forensic pathologist Laurie Mongomery is back to work on her first case since the baby and has an unidentified corpse which the Mafia wants to stay un-ID'd so they kidnap her kid.

There are a lot of characters but once you assign 'good' or 'evil' you pretty much are set not having to memorize all of it, plus reading slow makes the book last longer here which is a good thing because it's well written, nice depth of character, good plot and once into it; a page turner.

In one place a doctor, Ben, involved in stem cell patent stuff iPS USA doesn't seem smart enough to have become a doctor when he's unable to connect the Mafia/a killing/a dead patent owner and goes to find the dead guy discovering his dead family. And when he goes to ID his employee a Japanese guy, why didn't they also present the other unidentified Asian guy.....which they did way later in the chapter. I'm thinking the pathologists shouldn't have assumed which one was the employee and which was the killer. Later on that's explained better but while reading it, it's distracting.

Definitely worth purchasing if you can afford it. I think maybe the characters could use a little more humility, some warmth, feelings, being hurt or happy etc. Not enough of that so they feel a little stiff. The nanny is killed and they really don't seem to have a depth of emotion going on there even tho they create a scholarship in her name there's not much crying, no numbness, no sincerity to her family. Maybe because there are so many people it's harder to express the few who are supposedly important. These characters move from book to book and it'd be nice to feel connected, which I don't really.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

STAY by Allie Larkin ***

Where to start. I'm a die hard German shepherd lover and wanted badly to like this. I appreciate the dog information to people unknowledgeable but it's a teeny bopper type romance (aaaachCHICKLIT) . We have the poor maid's daughter, Van (Savannah), grew up in a carriage house with mom who dies young and Van is still friends with the rich people mom/daughter from the BIG house. Tough life. The wealthy daughter (Janey) marries her (Van's) best male friend (Peter; think Freud) whom she was secretly romantically interested in. The rich mom pays her off with almost two hundred thousand to leave Peter alone (enter violins). After the wedding Van starts with the alcohol induced mewling shit, buys a dog online from Slovakia and after all the vomiting suddenly life is easy breezy.

She falls in love with the dog's vet, Alex who is friends with an old man, Louis, conveniently selling his house (for 40 thousand, true fantasy here) near the vet's so he can move to Florida and coincidently Van has to either move or get rid of the new dog. Suddenly it all falls neatly into place like IRL.

Recap: Before her two friends (Janey & Peter) get back from the honeymoon Van's ready to buy a house, has a new dog and falls in love with the vet. The vet is so busy taxiing and entertaining her I have no idea how anything gets done at his practice. He's so tall his head almost hits door frames. Who likes that? How's a nice stocky well built dude under 5'11"? Some women must believe HAHAHA that taller men have bigger dicks. Anyway loser, Maria Shriver wins your contest.

Anyway this dog rarely needs to be walked, is pre-trained and obedient at 8 months old and pretty much can do laundry, cook and take care of Van between vomiting as excuses to see the vet. He just runs around like a puppy should and she's so petrified he's got a disease she runs to the vet clinic with him. DRAMA QUEEN?

 It's good enough for entertainment but unbelievable enough to STAY in the romance category. People drink alcohol in their plain ol' milk? DISGUSTING! YUCKYUCK. I do believe I just got finished with a frickin chick lit book.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The GARDEN OF BETRAYAL by Lee Vance ***

It was a good read with a few drawbacks. Should have named the protagonist Mr. Secret instead of Mark because everything he thought or did was on the hushhush which did nothing for me connecting with him. His relationship with his wife was at first sort of distant but even at the end I didn't really "feel" anything different, and have no idea why she elected to stay with him. They never had a conversation about this issue at all. It didn't feel realistic to me.

So it's about his son dying 8 years or something ago and now he's just beginning to learn why as we follow along thru his hedge funds, stock buying and selling, short and long and what all that entails if you care. Since it's a large part of what you're reading you are forced to care somewhat to understand the story line. Big oil, politics blahblah.

His lies --almost never ending: Doesn't tell family their friend Alex dies, not tell he's on the hunt for the son's kidnapper, won't talk about moving elsewhere with the wife altho he decides to, won't tell anyone where his information comes from, won't tell boss his (bosses) son is depressed (Alex) and gave him secret information, a working cop lets this idiot Mark interview a witness alone, he also lies to the cops about Alex being depressed. So many secrets so little time. It draws you away from the character. Every lie makes me dislike him that much more. By the end I don't really care who killed his kid. I got no sympathy for liars who's wife/daughter relationship pops back into place without any work -like a dislocated shoulder.

Friday, December 17, 2010

BONE FIRE by Mark Spragg ***

I'm about half thru it and so far I think 3 people in the story have vomited. WTF? Aside from a lot of puking, injuries, disease and one murder it's a lot of relationship stuff. People speak and you sometimes have no idea who. Then you suddenly find yourself in a different place with different people and in a sort of disruptive manner. When that happens and it happens a lot you're stuck not knowing who the fuck is talking and to whom. It's very disruptive. Not a big fan of dropping me off someplace I have no idea where or why. That part pissed me off quite a bit. Otherwise it was fairly well written but I never connected with any one character. Didn't invest.

Other than that it's about the life of a few people from some dinky town in Wyoming. And their relationships, who's yer daddy type of stuff and who didn't go to college to care for her granpappy and then get the ranch. Some unrelated drug dealer guy in a trailer got shot and so far I don't know how it's related or if I care. It was sort of a red herring for me as a mystery reader and led to no fuckin place.

Done: It's a dark fiction novel about relationships; how they work, don't work, people die and drink and crap like that. Wasn't exactly my type of book. I'd have to say "artsy" or "creative" and a few steps above a soap opera but not too far away.

If you're depressed find something else to read.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

LUCY by Laurence Gonzales ****

I'm half thru this and really enjoy it. A teenage half ape half human is now living in NY with her future adoptive mother when they are forced by a blood test to go public. Well at the airport some jerk won't let her on a plane because he says, she's an animal and belongs in a cage. GOT NEWS for the TSA agent and author. Guess what? WE ARE ALL ANIMALS. Ever play 20 questions? Animal, vegetable or mineral? LOL Humans=animals. Why do so many people think themselves better than an animal. We are no more or less and our behaviors prove it all the time. Macho? Dominance? Righteousness? Leaders and followers? Hint hint..

The adoptive mom Jenny is wondering what to say about the girl Lucy's mom who is a bonobo ape. Like in order to make up a story. The father was a scientist who bred with the ape. So since we're fabricating ID's and passports lets make up that the mom was a Congo native who gave birth in a mud hut and there's no paperwork. That work for ya? This author is making that part very convoluted. Lucy at one point leaps on top of a set of school lockers and shrieks like a gorilla and suddenly all the teenagers are chanting her name. I gotta tell ya. If that happened IRL most would be dumfounded and more scared of her. Since Jenny knows Lucy's an ape and won't fit in and it's now being discovered I need to know why bringing her back to the Congo where the wars are less intrusive hasn't entered her head.

Going back to the story...
I'm done, it was a good story, well written the characters had depth and aside from it seeming to be aimed at teenagers it was ok.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

AFTER the DARKNESS by Tilly Bagshawe ****

I have no idea who wrote this, the title says "Sidney Sheldon's" then the title then the Bagshawe so I'm thinking copy cat? Ummmm Helper? um...whatever. So the book is sort of reads like your typical romance novel but it's a little different. Has lots of characters related to our heroine Grace who starts off as a naive idiot and turns into a revengeful street smart killer in very little time but with lots of misadventures and her "Barbie-dreams" destroyed.

It was well written, entertaining and quick so I haven't got anything bad to say about reading it. I'm not generally a fan of Barbies and that's how this one starts out and all her sisters and friends are Barbies- unfortunately IRL most of them never want more than the next Dior something or Jimmy Choos or whatever all that designer crap is. So I really couldn't sympathize.
Funny 'bout that is author sort of took a Barbie and destroyed it so that was ok!

Friday, December 10, 2010

212 by Alafair Burke ***

So I'm reading this and the author keeps dragging you off the storyline to explain shit you don't want to know and I get to page 19 where it's written: blahblah...'a philosophy seminar with no prerequisites (who GAS?) would devolve into a series of free floating chat sessions' BINGO....like the author par exampe? HUH? Geez she wanders off course following that to discuss, "are all lives equally good?" and then we get Hitler references, and then we're in a typing class ...and these are paragraphs following each other...where's the story? ZZZZZZZZZZ what huh? Sorry I fell asleep there......

Well lets get jerked around some more before I call it quits....actually took me awhile to get into it due to the tons of characters, names, background uninformation but once involved at around chapter ten (guessing) it sort of moved along ok. Aside from the fodder, it's not bad. There are confusing and coincidental murders alongside each other with a surprise here and there but I don't think it was all bad. Good library find anyways.

NEVER LOOK AWAY by Linwood Barclay *****

Go ahead buy if you like it's a thrill a chapter. If you can believe; that while mom is tying a sneaker her kid disappears, a 4 yo says "What's going on?", a kid can fall asleep the first 5 minutes at an amusement park, someone has the most elaborate plan to disappear most all her life and fake her death but doesn't know the diamonds she's stealing are fake; and the owner of the diamonds suspects a robbery will take place yet is alone, cuffed to them with no backup, no help, no bodyguard, nothing -then this is a good read. Just get over all that crap and it's edge of your seat reading.

The husband is pretty frickin stupid cuz he's married to a confabulous liar for 5 years and is clueless. I'm sorry I have to say this stuff because otherwise I liked how fast paced it was, easy to read; the only drags were when the grandparents slowed down the storyline.

Monday, December 6, 2010

MONEY TO BURN by James Grippando ****

Very good writing, good story but a little complicated and it would help to know something about stocks and the stock market cuz not everything in the story is easy to 'get' nor explained well.

The lead character is just stupid enough to get himself in more trouble than he would otherwise like running off with a tourists camera while someone screams he has a bomb; no clue his wife is cheating on him; for some reason he's invited to a meeting when he has no business at it since he's the one supposedly bringing down his own company.

There is never an answer in the book about who originally emptied all his finances in the start of the book. Never said the wife stole it, never said any of the crooks did, but all the savings, stocks, businesses and everything he owned gone along with his credit. WHO DID IT? Answer: NO ANSWER. And how did they do it? Where is it now? Eric blames everyone for his son's death except the person who was responsible. Never entered the highly intelligent multimillion dollar company owner/president's head. Not once. Um..it's someone kinda close to you.....

So our hero, Michael's first wife, Ivy "dies" and he keeps all her savings in her name with her secret password still intact after 4 years. What is up with that? SEE? Stupid.

It's entertaining but not all that realistic. Kind of trying to be a page turner but not all that compelling unless you have stock in his novels.

Friday, December 3, 2010

COOK the BOOKS by 2 Conants ***

Well easy little murder mystery with some recipes in the back you can cook.
Main character Chloe about 26yo is a flake who meets a guy on craigslist who's writing a cookbook she helps him with. Turns out to be a killer...so stay off CL.

The guy she meets, Kyle, first meets her at an expensive restaurant which is so NOT realistic then they dine but she brings her friend with her to the job interview..I know...right? Most of the chefs on here have pretty strange names, Digger something like Sneakers what ever....anyways turns out that her ex boyfriend Josh and all her chef friends know this CL guy and his famous daddy what a coincidence. His motivation for killing is pretty flimsy but I guess people kill each other over 10 bucks.

If you enjoy simple murder mysteries you'll like it. It was so-so for me. A little simplistic but I'm not 26 either. I don't know if a 26 yo would find it challenging either.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

SO COLD THE RIVER by Michael Koryta **

Story about magic water that gives the protag Eric hallucinations and we don't know if it's the water or his own ESP. In a town that used to have moonshiners is a creek of 'magic' water and Eric is trying to find it to stop his visions. Meanwhile we have an old town family 'Campbell' and somehow this old ghost of him is in possession of his last relative Josiah. Have no idea how that's happening cuz he didn't drink any funny water.

The writing is imitative of King but not as good at keeping definition of characters. They just aren't strong enough to be themselves, their ghosts, the future, now, the past, all intermingled and ongoing. It's so confusing by page 360 I have no idea why the hell Campbell wants to kill Lucas because he raised him? I have no real idea what their connection is and by this time I really should.

This Josiah keeps assuming people are whoever he wants them to be never checking. He checks paperwork he has and instead of the paperwork identifying the FAKE Lucas as really being Bradford he also is clueless that Alyssa isn't Eric's wife but is Bradfords. It's so friggin confusing right now with the ghosts, the real, the confused, the overtaken, the possessed, the mistaken ID's that I'm ready to toss the book and give up.

Bring a scorecard. Since the characters all lack strong definition and no little quirks or memorable things, the names are super important to remember and each family has too many members in it to keep them all fixed in position. The writing is ok, here and there I drift off getting lost in some details so it began as an ok story but about halfway thru it it's frustrating. Could have been much better it seems to have overwhelmed the writer and rightly so.

Monday, November 29, 2010

FRAGILE by Lisa Unger ***

Not seriously bad for a library read but she is verbose. The internal angst is very interruptive. Henry goes to see Marshall on pg 115 blahblahblah he gets out of the car on page 118 blahblahblah knocks on the door on page 120. SHEESH she just sucks the action right out of the story.

Story is sort of about a current missing teenager; a past one where the local cop was involved in the disappearance and why does he not get the innocent person accused out of jail? DO NOT GET. Then we have some slow guy with Wanda who also knows about some past dead girl named Lily. They're just crawling out of the woodwork.

Maggies mom is so old and decrepit that climbing an attic ladder, sliding down it she is helpless as a lump of coal. Would just die there without intervention and she's not nearly 90 far as I can tell around her 60s maybe? Some strange ideas about aging here or she shouldn't be living on her own DUH.

One scene about the forest we get a list of trees roll call. Elm, Spruce, etc. Geez why? Why? Paid by the word? During one of the accidental deaths with the cop, 4 people are in one car. One dies. Two go in the car home and WTF happened to the 4th one? HUH? Run? Walk? Pony ride? Left to figure it out on your own but then again I'm not finished altho it would be nice if I were. So much blahblabh between anything read-worthy.

Then I stumble on page 284 where a guy writes a confession letter saying he witnessed that Sarah fell accidently and hit her head on a rock. Not even a page later Maggie reads it and asks "Do you know who killed Sarah?" HELLLLLOOOO Did you not just read the letter? What are words for? SHE HIT HER HEAD ON A ROCK, SHERLOCK. Accident -no killer involved.

I won't be writing her name down and looking for more books she wrote.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

DOG TAGS by David Rosenfelt ****

I like the book, writer has a nice sarcastic sense of humor. Takes one to know one. I also am pleased to see he has a dog rescue IRL called Tara Foundation which is mentioned in his story as well. Now I'm a fan.

Story is about protag lawyer defending an innocent guy, Billy, of murder. Guy has well trained German shepherd -so I am now a BIG fan. The lawyer Andy also has to solve the murder to get Billy off. This leaves room for a lot of absurdities which I will mention cuz it's only fair. Pg 86 he sneaks a fake Milo (dog) into his house, sneaks the real one some place else to fool the press? And a killer? And then returns the fake dog to the shelter. Do not get. Why wouldn't the press follow him from his house to the shelter? Also; somehow Andy has Erskine followed- and I don't know where, how or why he's onto him. In the area where the murder/robbery occurs there were "other robberies in the area" and somehow that leads the cops to Billy's guilt. Huh?

Also this Andy is so frickin clever and intelligent he has 100x more information than the FBI, the local cops, the Army intelligence all combined. They await information from him with bated breath doing whatever silliness he blackmails them to do, like get Billy off his murder charge for info and give him a couple million to live on.

Supposedly THOUSANDS of people will die and only Andy has the info on who, what, when, where and how. Let me tell ya, the only ones who were about to die were on a tanker. How many people would that be? Not like NYC was going down right? So really it wasn't all that and a bag of chips. Also our hero Andy is directly responsible for telling the killer where a witness could be found who was then shot. Thanks Andy!

It was basically well written, not hard to 'get' but things became increasingly confused as more people were added to the mix all involved in this scheme to make stocks go up? It got bogged down in bad characters, honestly. Otherwise, I read it, it was easy to read, it was entertaining and I love German shepherds and like how the author promotes dog welfare.

Monday, November 22, 2010

PRIVATE by James Patterson ****

Much better than the last one. It's about an investigative agency named Private and some of their current cases. One is a serial killer, one is a murder of a friends wife, and some other crap. There are a lot of things going on at the same time with a lot of people. Of course our hero has been laid by every well endowed female within a 100 mile radius.

Meanwhile we have to keep up with relationships, the mafia, his twin with gambling issues, hired contract killers, girlfriends and past girlfriends, you name it all in under 400 pages. It's a lot to keep up with but not unmanageable you just have to switch your context chapter-ly. His writing is terse and tight. There are no flowery descriptions and it's not required far as I'm concerned. So have at it.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

DON'T BLINK by James Patterson ***

Fast 2 day read. Lots of characters but I don't really pay attention because bad guys become good, and vice versa. It's a little trouble keeping up with the names and FBI and who's mafia and who's under cover etc. and of course everyone is in jeopardy all the time from chapter to chapter. He ends each short (2 page) chapter with a cliff hanger. So ya go from one 'situation' to another pretty quick. Bombs, guns, close-up killings, snipers you name it you got it.

Over in 2 (days). Ok for a library read. Not very deep and they guy is a door mat to his fickle girlfriend.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

STORM PREY by John Sandford ****

Great library read. Fast paced, established characters without all the past history except in small doses. Only thing that gets over done is all the killers after family members. Get over it. Can't a case just involve other people without family members being stalked, shot at or ran over? They got so many scars that if I don't hear about scar tissue interfering with body function pretty soon I won't think it's realistic.

Otherwise we got about 10 bad guys, including a 'bad' doctor who snorts coke, robbing a hospital and being chased by Lucas Davenport and his crew. I also get bored with the gangs. What I did like was one criminal saying only reason it all happened and went wrong is cuz they were all stupid. LOL That was good.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

SPIDER BONES by Kathy Reichs **

I loved the first book I reviewed. This not so much.

I started off really liking the book even tho it began to get bogged down in proper nouns. People- on and on. Then we get people taking other people's ID's and it gets more confusing. Then we get a chimera with different genes AND people switching ID's and more than one ID and bodies being misidentified, like 5 of them. Then we deal with the twins who aren't mom's kids, and kidney transplanting, and the army identification procedure, then gang killings and it's all somehow mind boggingly related cases. Nonsense after nonsense.

I really started hating the story about 3/4 way thru when I'm wrapping my mind around so many fake people, a couple real ones, criminals, gangs and the gratuitous daughter kidnapping, the gratuitous Temperance car chase. I thought it got more and more ridiculous. It was a confusing abortion. Hope next one is more concise. Terse. Something like that.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

SUDDEN DEATH SUDOKU by Shelley Freydont ****

Not bad for a library read, formulatic and gossipy but not unreadable. The best part are all the sudoku puzzles throughout the chapters with answers at the back of the book. I printed blanks and had fun doing that.

It's about Kate moving back to her hometown in NH and the locals with a murder involved during a big sudoku contest. She runs a museum of puzzles? And goes to work every day. As if anyone in a small NH town would make that a viable living. Not. Anyways, I'm not sure if this is a cityish town or backwoods town but one never uses deicer/salt in the country unless you want a contaminated well. Bad plan when it gets into your own ground water. Also during a snowstorm middle of winter "....sound she heard must have been thunder hitting the nearby transformer or routing station." HUH? For one thing thunder would be so rare it's unheard of during a winter snow storm. Then thunder wouldn't be hitting anything it would be the lightening. SOOOOO.....

It looks and feels self published with lots of typos or errors, such as: He through the book away. Things missing an 's' stuff like that.

The police chief is unable to drive his SUV to work (I know, huh?). Now come on. It snows but there are 4 wheel drives. I lived in the NH boondocks 20 yrs and never once didn't get out of my own driveway over the snow plow bank in a Subaru no less. It's not THAT tough. Writer has chief of police snowshoeing....which is very difficult esp. when there are ski mobiles for the desperate newbie losers who can't drive in snow. And snow blowers....ever heard of them Shelley??? Snow blowers? Clears a path to walk on. More people have them in NH than probably ice scrapers and shovels.

All in all the story has its absurd moments and ridiculous "NH people" protrayals but it's entertaining if nothing else. Rent it.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

HORNS by Joe Hill

Boring juvenile rambling. Some teen? wakes up hungover with new horns on his head. We get to listen to everyone's angst - all the bullshit in their head as well as Ig's head and his doctors head. Boring boring.....big snore. I didn't even bother finishing the first chapter. Lost me. Absolutely didn't intrigue, or interest me at all.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The 13th HOUR by Richard Doetsch *****

Yeah, go buy this one cuz it's wicked good. Fast paced page turner, exciting and different. The book is written backwards, last chapter first. I'm not going to give a lot away but Nick the protag gets to do a day over and over until it comes out in a less devastating manner. Every hour he advances he goes back 2.

There are a few issues, going-back-in-time ones but they are unimportant because the story is more interesting than the little fuss budget things. For example; in one scenario he needs- say a necklace but in other 'time' scenarios he still carries them, doesn't need it, or drags some other things with him and it creates unaddressed issues here and there. Also in some areas in order not to give too much away the author gives away too little making some scenes hard to conceptualize in relation to other past/future events.

All in all: It's a fun story and I liked it a lot.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The FOUR FINGERS of DEATH by Rick Moody*

It seems I've been reading this crap for a month, it's really been 5 days and I'm only on page 88. What a chore. Astronauts, space, a stupid forward that has no relation to the rest. I lost interest and don't really care. One of the spacenuts is on the craft outside repairing something and the other one says join me doing flips on the tether then he launches into a 3 page diatribe about how he learned to swim. I don't GAS and I'm all done with this piece of crap Mr. "master of maximalist prose and human minutiae". Which means verbose CRAP.

Throw your pen away Rick. How the hell did you get anyone to publish this shit? Whose dick?

Friday, November 5, 2010

The EXECUTOR by Jesse Kellerman ****

Really good writing, intriguing storyline. This lumpy sloth of a guy is still in college after like 8 yrs studying philosophy and anything else to prolong his stay there. He loses his girlfriend and coincidently finds a posting for a 'conversationalist' job. Most of this is preposterous bullshit but it's still not a bad read. So Mr. Philosopher's new job is an elderly woman, eventually he inherits her shit and begins to quietly murder to keep his new financial status. Which in the first place he never held a job, never owned anything and the story sort of tells how when you suddenly "have stuff" the lengths some will go to protect it even tho they espouse a 'free from stuff' existence. Where the hell did he get ANY money to begin with? I mean for his education, his food, his books blahblah....never saw the answer to that.

Reads along well, you are very in tune with the protagonist and know the others fairly well. The only bitch aside from the absurdity of the whole idea is we don't get much from the lead character as far as FEELINGs. We get his actions-which writer infers mostly as "accidents" -but no motives. Killing someone would evoke some actual emotion but in this story not so much. Lacking there.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The CORRECTIONS by Jonathan Franzen

Well what a boring piece of shit picked by the Oprah club. Wife asks, "What are you doing?" Next: "He began a sentence, I am"- and we then get an entire page of how he can no longer see the light of the clearing from which he'd entered, blahblahblah....blahblahblah.....bottom of page: "packing my suitcase." This blahblah is on each and every page between any action, dialogue or any hint of something you may WANT to read.....boring me to shit. BORING.

I sincerely doubt I'll finish. I'm hoping to get beyond chapter ONE!

Didn't finish. Too much adornment, too decorative, too BORING. Dead BORING. Flashbacks, people's adolescent thoughts, sex, boobs, tits, whatever. HATE IT. I imagine men jerking off while writing this fluff crap. I mean every day....habitually between pages they picture the fake women and their fake boobs, hop online to some cheap-o porn site and jerk off. Men writing "fiction": Write, mention tits, jerk off, sleep. Try to make it NOT look like a lot of T&A while filling it with T&A.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

CRASHERS by Dana Haynes ***

As yet unrated, I'm only about 1/3 thru it. There is a cast of thousands..ok hundreds. Lots of proper nouns. It's weird that the "terrorist" is jewish. Not much of that going around in the USA. There are other terrorists mentioned, from Belfast and there's an Israelis sort of double agent overly military steroidal chick. Lots of separating origins and pointing them out. Who's from England, from Ireland, from Arab states blahblahblah. We're missing Muslims.....I don't really believe that it's necessary to divide readers and make everyone suspicious of each other. A good story can be written without the overtly dramatic unbelievable b.s.

So, after we skim over the first 3 chapters of names, outfits, country of origin, job description, home life, we finally arrive at a plane crash and people who decipher them to figure out what brought the plane down (crashers). Now it begins to get interesting but so far I don't see a 'why'. No overt hatred, no animosity, no public ransom, so far it seems like a discontented fat JEW wants MONEY deposited in his account. Cliche-much? He'll destroy planes for a mere hundred thousand bucks. And of course the JEW with a whiney over-bearing mommy (Achoo-stereotype) is involved in analyzing the little black box which he tooled to crash a plane.  

Lots of fashionista name brand clothing, shoes and suits. My gaydar is going off like a fire alarm. Missing is the nail polish colors matching the lipstick and eye shadow. Next day: Hahahahaha I hadn't got to that part yet cuz it does happen and more than once.

It's well written, as far as wanting to continue. The story would be better without all the cliche, bigoted shit that sort of pisses me off while I'm supposed to be ENTERTAINED. How come we don't get Ray's religious leanings? Or Walters? Or anyone but the Jews and Irish? I gotta ask WTF is with the 16yo goth computer genius? Why is she here? Once second there, next gone...no point. Also YES author, so our American Guiness beer and our tea sucks, gotcha- please move to Ireland or England- wherever. Go! Or drink COFFEE and BUD like the rest of the country.

There are a ton of far fetched scenarios: the Jew, the Irish mobsters in the US killing Irish and Protestants on a plane and being brought down for WAY less than a million bucks, I'm talkin chump change. Planes landing and taking off on highways, people (Dennis) knowing stuff without an explanation of how. Where'd the Irish gangsters get the money to pay for this hit? Where?

Fiction....not claiming to have any hint of reality.....sort of entertaining.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

8 SANDPIPER WAY by Macomber *

More sappy WASP crap. Between library book reading.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

RESCUING OLIVIA by Julie Compton ***

I really like the writing style, it's easy and quick. Guy, Anders, meets girl, they screw, they get into a motorcycle accident (more like pre-arranged due to her past), she disappears from hospital, he goes on a search for her while fucking every female on the way.

First he screws his best friends wife cuz she makes believe she has info on the girlfriends hosp. records. Then he sorta has sex with his 'friends with benefits' girlfriend. Anyway his wick gets dipped so you wonder how concerned can he possibly be about the disappeared NEW girl (not even months old relationship). Could it be love? Does screwball know what love is? Can screwball feel anything without getting dizzy and vomiting like a girl? Or crying like a baby?

She's from wealthy family, hangs with wealthy brats who gang raped her. Daddy is helping the gang rapers and old boyfriend, Brent. Have no clue why as yet but now she's in Africa with her "fiance" Brent who arranged the gang rape in the first place.

The characters are well drawn, I care about Anders even tho I think he's an asshole. Probably cuz he 'seems' to be learning as he goes. Mostly he's pretty dimwitted and that gets him in trouble. It's fun watching him get his ass beat here and there in his misguided girlfriend searching.

Throughout the book, Olivia the new girlfriend, has been on a "forget" drug which impossibly erases her memory of specific events. Daddy arranged it. It is implied all thru the book that "something" mysterious happened to her, and also implied OFTEN that whatever happened was BEFORE the gang rape. We never know what that was. Apparently the gang rape was it.

So she doesn't just forget whatever daddy wants, she forgets Anders and living in the States. Who made her forget THAT? What kind of drug doesn't erase a lot more than that if it can erase ONE PERSON and a few months it can erase her ex boyfriend, or her past life, or her love for Africa, the color blue or whatever. This 'drug' invention is a troubling part of the story.

The attempted murder on the motorcycle is beyond absurd. It'd be ok if one person was responsible but NOOOOOO....one person removes the helmets and different people coincidently run them off the road and the reason is even more bizarre, as there really isn't one. In the beginning a "narc" is blamed which is stupid, author meant SNITCH. And never anywhere do you ever hear of who this person the snitch is. A lot of stuff in here doesn't feel authentic.

Anders acts; seriously, as if he's about 18 but is supposed to be in his 30s. He's the most naive stupid 30+ I've ever heard of. Too many people involved in lots of unrelated, disconnected stuff, like the erase drug, Africa, smuggling other drugs, screwing best friends wife for information she hasn't got (stupid ass), blackmail, snitches, gang rapes, very jealous friend with benefits, hired-I can't say killers....so hired-run-off-the-roaders? .... and on and on and on. It's sort of scattered and non-cohesive.

Author should stick to female protags. She sucks doing men. It's a girly-man who is indecisive and cries as if he's having his period.

Somewhere on the back cover it says something about 'insight into the legal system'. Well, whut???? I didn't see one thing about the legal system...did someone give me that forget drug???

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

MEN AND DOGS by Katie Crouch ***

Your average fiction literary book-club special. Hasn't got anything to do with dogs so if you're expecting that go someplace else. No murder, no mystery. Has to do with some suicidal cheater-divorcing-husband-stalker-woman and her view of her life. Like no one else has a life to deal with, hers is so special she has to get all fucked up over it.  Daddy disappeared 20yrs ago.....she thinks he's still alive someplace. Not even a murder mystery for her to solve. Boring.

In one spot "...all this family's ever done is leave." Well geez Louise that's what happens duh...kids grow up and LEAVE. People get divorced and LEAVE. Moving=leave. Dying=leave. What was the question again???

In another scene is a Coleman lantern that hasn't been touched in 20 yrs and it works. So is it battery powered? It wouldn't work. Is it gas powered? Oil? Neither of which should be used in a small confined unventilated area (closet?) because that's how Darwin kills people. But apparently our heroine, Hannah, has spent hours like that with it on. Which probably explains her mental issues.

On page 86 "So, what, our father rigged a fake death? Tied a bag to his ankle, swam to shore?" What the hell is 'tied a bag to his ankle'?? WTF?

It was easily readable. Had people you care about, not saying you care in a good way about them all but you care so you keep reading to see what new idiocy they're up to in the next chapter. I don't think they're particularly unique or anything. Hannah sounds like a stereo-typical promiscuous bimbo, brother is an egotistical gay-yuppie and aside from their wealth if you passed them on the street you wouldn't notice.

Interesting in a voyeuristic sort of way. I didn't learn anything..oh dogs are loyal? Do I win something? Was mildly entertained but kept waiting for something-anything to happen............

Friday, October 22, 2010

74 SEASIDE AVENUE by Debbie Macomber **

I'm sure there are tons of fans but count me out. There's a scorecard in the beginning with all the characters, who they're related and married to and there are quite a few.  There is Bob and Bobby. How many names does the entire planet have and we need 2 Bobs????  I'm reading along and not really caring about who's who and screwing what. This isn't nearly as good as Metalious's Peyton Place nor Desperate Housewives but in a similar vein except for extremely boring.

Nothing happens. Lots of 'love' and warm sympathetic crap and that's about it. Seems like a fantasy "real world" venture. Author writes tons of these so either you're a long time fan and good luck with that or you're bored to tears. Good for bedtime stories; help for sleeplessness.

Another Irish lassy writer, lots of tea drinking, expiry dates and it's supposed to take place in Puget Sound. Everything is old lady-ish and cute-sy wootsy.

Contradiction: some girl gets knocked up (miscarries) and says to dad it's her dead mommy's wish from beyond. He scoffs at that but later he has it in his head that the dead wife blesses his new relationship with an old girlfriend. Magical thinking. The guy dates about a month after the wife died...kinda creepy....but of course the daughter is mortified, he's very wimpy and obeys her giving up his girlfriend, who later moves to town and everything ever after is awkward. They never "do it" either. Who'd want a wimpy ass-man like that? He needs to grow a pair. Most of the men she writes about need a pair. Not talkin about grapes here....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

BACK ROADS by Tawni O'Dell ***

Mom killed dad-or so it goes in the beginning. 18 yo boy volunteers to work 2 jobs to support the other 3 or 4 siblings all female, ages 6-16. The 16yo female fucks everything in pants and protag Harley is a virgin.

I'm on the fence. It's well written, interesting, I'm not overwhelmed with characters. I do want to continue on, nothing holds me back. There are things I don't like about it but that's personal taste. The fly cover describes the protag as having endearing humor, love for his sisters. Where I see cold, calculating with lust for his sister. He reminds me of a cold blooded snake, his personality hiding underground and slithering out now and then. I also do not find him "utterly endearing" as the cover says. I don't like the cold bastard at all-pg 113 "thought about grabbing the back of her neck and smashing her face into the glass." In some respects she writes him as an intelligent, well read near-adult, in other respects he comes across as hot tempered and stupid; contradictory. So I'm confused. This kid, from what I read, has no heart. No compassion, no courage, no empathy.

He's having sex with a 33 yo mom-neighbor and only thought in his head is coming. "If she had been a board she'd have cracked down the middle." He's stupid. And he sees old graves marked "Baby" with no name....wondering how a baby can die nameless...does that sound like the rest of his lunacy? One minute he's so concerned about unborn fetus names the next he's wanting to smash people or thinking of his screw partner as an object, or a rotten peach. She's an object and a fetus isn't? Contradictions up the yin yang.

Daddy was an abusing father and I'm not sure at this point who really killed him but due to Harley's desire to punch, gouge, smash faces into windshields I'd say his propensity for violence is right up there with pop. There are " a series of staggering surprises" so I'm waiting for that. .......waiting......waiting.....and here it is...daddy was after one of the daughters! No duh.

Geez I don't know maybe I'm 'reading' it all wrong and there's lots of things to ooh and ahh about...ask Oprah she read it. There's nothing wrong with the writing/punctuation/tenses etc but the characters are 'out there'.

Monday, October 18, 2010

AUTUMN LOVER by Elizabeth Lowell ***

1868 Oater romance novel with virgins and big tough guys saving the day. Writer balances the teeny bopper naive orphaned ranch owner with her tough guy exterior as well as can be expected. Elyssa flounces around in satin and gauze crap while picking tomatoes and hoeing potatoes. Fun for all! She doesn't know that her see-through dress and hanging her tits out around the roughnecks is going to get her raped. Moron. Writer is looking for the words "cock tease" but never comes out and says it.

Eventually the big strong stupid bull-ox boyfriend screws her not knowing she's a virgin cuz she loses all ability to speak around him. Lots of ers, buts, and I means. His past involves a dead family including a selfish stupid wife and he doesn't want another one. Meanwhile cowboys and Indians, horses to break, cows to rustle, revenge killing blahblahblah.

Not a bad story if you enjoy stereotypical romance novels. I stuck thru it to the end so it didn't horrify me. :)

TOO MANY MURDERS by Colleen McCullough

Sucks for me. Too many names, first, last, nicknames. Overload of cops and altho this supposedly takes place in Virginia names are all Irish or something. HATE IT. How in my head do I read Denbigh? Or Pugh? HUH? What? Plus writer brings up that a JEW doesn't like the case he's on. I don't get a religious bio on anyone else in this crappola. Biggot bitch.

It all sounds like Merry olde England to me and I don't like it. Buh Bye! Page 55 and it's all over.

It has many cops, many murdered people supposedly by different suspects. Your call if you want to bother or not. Way over descriptive as well. Historical background to gnash your teeth on. Tally Ho!

BTW most AMERICANS are coffee drinkers we don't GAS if tea bags are stapled or sewn shut. Tea is for wussie assholes.

Friday, October 15, 2010

9th JUDGEMENT by Patterson/Paetro ****

Well, it's Women's Murder Club book 9. These 4 sort of bimbettes are friends and all work in or around the PD. Clothing is important to them, shoes, hair blahblahblah.

A movie star's wife is murdered but do they suspect the husband? HEL--LO!!! We gotta torture ourselves reading this to the end while they scratch each other's butts but never go BY THE BOOK on testing husband. Geez. Even a child knows to suspect the husband if the wife is murdered. What UP??? Miss Cop?? LOL

So aside from the blatantly obvious and all the romances and making out etc I personally wouldn't buy it, but get it from the library ya'll. You'll like it.

Murder and more than one to make it less simplistic, fast read, easy, not too many characters to distract you. There's a serial killer, and the movie star, and a wimpy cat burgler.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

FALSE PRETENSES by Catherine Coulter ***

Ok, some sort of strong-woman romance. We have the shy retiring virginal pianist married to a dude her granpaws age. OOPS he died under mysterious circumstances and now the entire rich clan of brothers, sisters, grandmaw etc is under suspicion. The protag/widow Elizabeth was acquitted because some unknown guy lied/testified he was with her or somesuch. Funny how no one asks where HE was that night huh? Just skip over that little question.

Liz was being screwed literally and figuratively by some OTHER guy Rowe, she just dumped him and has suddenly grown a pair of balls. She's now an iron maiden running her dead grandad...oops I mean husbands business etc. like she been doin it all her life. Eventually her company tries to take over another with her new beau, they fight back and forth, finally team up, discover the murderer and love busts out all over.

Amusing, entertaining and sometimes laugh out loud preposterous. But heck, it's very readable for something to occupy you before nodding off. Not horrid.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

ONCE A SPY by Keith Thomson ***

Action packed adventure, bullets flying, cars stolen and bouncing off garbage cans. Blood and gore. Drummond is over 65 thought to have Alzheimers and his son Charlie went to pick him up dazed and confused. Before they even get out the nursing home door whatever secret agency Drummond used to work for found his sketch of something and now they both must be killed.

Very easy to read, follow and minimal names to learn. I have a bitch tho. Charlie is a gambler. He cashes checks up to 5 thousand and bets it all on one horse at Aqueduct. Now I don't know what day of the week it was, but generally the "pot" or total bets probably don't exceed 5 thousand in the win pool. Probably not. In this story his horse (he says long shot but beg to differ) came in third. I assume he bet to 'win'. Which puts that particular horse as the favorite: $5,000 to WIN. I mean, probably 1:1 odds or something ridiculously small. But since the horse lost the winner was a far distant odds horse and probably paid BIG TIME to win (that sizable $5,000 pool) and surely wasn't the favorite. Writer states the 'favorite' was second after a long shot. Well after Charlies' $5,000 bet they ALL were long shots.

Putting the gambling aside...good story, like the writing style, the ease of scenes from one to the next. I wonder if Drummond is really losing it or faking. I'm at the end; one never knows who has memory issues and who doesn't. It's pages and pages of Charlie and Drummond running from killers. That's it. Everyone's a traitor, every "secret" place they run to has more killers. It gets monotonous. There isn't anything authentic about it either, so after awhile it's cartoonish. The end was unsatisfying.

Monday, October 4, 2010

MR PEANUT by Adam Ross ***

This is basically 2 stories of murders with supposedly innocent husbands but I'm almost done with the book and so far have no clue who done it. It's a page turner for sure. But there are boring to death spots...like Hawaii vacation. I don't care about the scenery blahblahblah...like the author is self indulgent braggart about being there and being amazed by EVERYthing. DGAF. Then we get the Hitchcock blahblahblah. The Pepins meet in this class but all you get for pages and pages is crap about Hitchcock and film....buddy...I didn't pay for a Hitchcock 101 class and DGAF.

Remember detective/doctor Sheppard? -Half this book is a FUGITIVE movie rerun. Sheppard lost his wife, was accused of murder and got off, one armed man..all that. That happened in the 50s and I gotta hear all about it. It doesn't carry the other story along. It's not making sense in relation to the second more current murder. The second death is an obese woman who gets skinny and her husband, it's leading up to, had her killed. Husband David cheated as a regular habit on the wife, he was bored and egotistical and had expectations of everyone around him--mostly as kiss asses. The women in the book all seem like from the 40s ...obedient, submissive, docile or super mysterious. They're more chaste here in this world of men fucking anyone.

I only have 5 pages left to read and honestly...I liked the suspense, my interest was there but began to drift when no point is made. Ever. About anything anywhere. I just don't get it. Don't understand the basic most simplistic "why" of either murder or death. I only have 10 pages left!! What? I need an interpreter?? He does a very good job of descriptions, and dragging you from scene to scene. You WANT to go. You want to read more but you don't get any satisfaction...no reward for your intensity. Nothing. Nada. He's a very good writer; in a way (suspense) but sucks in the reward department. WHY am I going to turn the page? I need a reason and I'm not getting one. Ain't got no satisfaction. Frustration.

Am done. Suddenly near the end, David's name oddly changes to Pepin. There is Alice and David PEPIN so using only Pepin is a distraction. I must have been nodding off somewhere cuz I have no CLUE why. This book is like listening to someone's dream. Remote, weird, Dali-ish. Things pop out from the sides..BOO, behind you, around you and you feel disoriented. What a waste of however long it took me to read it. Because I feel robbed. I have no tangible ending. It ends "however" dreamlike and fantastical. Not a fan.

Friday, October 1, 2010

ANGELOLOGY by Danielle Trussoni *

This one could be very interesting if it didn't bore me half to death with insignificant details. CHOP CHOP. I wish deleting every other chapter was viable.

So we're meeting someone in a park, a very secretive event with little girl Evangeline and her pop. We're told how rare this meeting seems to the little girl and it's so momentous she can remember every detail even now as an adult. "Come" daddy says then author launches into patent-leather Mary Janes, wardrobe of starched cotton blahblahblah O yeah, so we walk into a dingy neighborhood with bright signs....(bright signs? O, let me go on and bore you with what they all say) Cuppuccino, Gelato, Vino blahblahblah and 3 pages later I scan to read SOMETHING interesting......sheesh....must be paid by the word.

This is a good book to practice your scanning efforts because you WILL be doing quite a bit of it or perhaps you're tired and want to sleep. The readable parts make for a good story but it's very bogged down in crap. I'm still reading/scanning over the b.s. -my interest in the basic story is there, it's just the author lacks skill in dragging me along with her boring shit. So far all I can tell you is that some nuns protect something they don't even know what and angels live alongside humans and something somewhere is going to happen.....I sincerely HOPE. Nothing happened and I got almost half thru this monster. You need to be extremely religious, believe in angels as real...I mean ....REAL otherwise you'll be bored to tears. So much bible, so much bullshit. I couldn't finish.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

FIRST THRILLS short stories- various authors****

Some really good stories in here along with some stupid ones, some I couldn't read or didn't want to bother. Anything that starts "It was 1865" I'm about done with. Princess of Felony Flats was a waste of my time and barely readable, Karen Slaughter writes a story building up an ex wifes hatred of her dying husband and comes up with absolutely nothing for revenge. I mean, I left empty and flat. Stupid.

There's probably something for everyone in here. Sci fi, thrills, suspense and some good writers, Lee Child, Stephen Coonts, Jeffrey Deaver. It's not bad at all.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

A HIDDEN AFFAIR by Pam Jenoff ***

Too early yet for stars. I so want to scribble in this one. The stupid protag Jordan says the love of her life (Jared, yes I have 'he got it at Jared' crap in my head the whole time) 10 yrs ago disappeared. 10 YEARS AGO. Plus she keeps touching the 'diamond' engagement ring he never gave her that is now dangling around her stupid multiple-time-strangled neck. Their "relationship" was a mere few months (MONTHS) so she's either very naive or optimistically stupid. She's on a mission to find this one true love.... and we get to travel along. At his last known address some blonde bimbo runs out, gets a plane ticket and takes off for Austria; we follow.

Also there is a lot of 'history'; she almost got strangled a few months ago, she was on another trip when her friend Sophie lost her life picking up something at Jordan's apartment (her eyes tear up), she is continually reviewing her past. I must have missed the previous installment and guess what.....do not care. Don't want to hear about it either. Even if I so happened to read the book last year WTF. Am I supposed to be reminded by this repetition of information and go...O YEAH now I remember! It's all making sense NOW! LOL

Anyways easy reading, easy to follow, limited number of participants which I like. I'm still reading it and I'm almost half way thru it. Putting Jordan's mindlessness aside it's not badly written, just often absurd. Looking forward to the chase but partly because I like to laugh at Jordan. At the least...she's amusing!

Amusing: She's a stalker of her 10 yr ago fling Jared. She has one drink in a bar, finds out the ex is married, runs into a bathroom and vomits. She's some kind of CIA lightweight. I cannot help laughing. Meanwhile she's falling madly in love with Ari, a guy helping her chase Jared's new wifey poo who foots the bill for Jordan everywhere her wittle piddy paddy feets wants to go.

I am very much in favor of Ari's attitude towards Israel and everything said about needing a country and how the other countries treat Jews. I actually added a star after reading page 128.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The THINGS THAT KEEP US HERE by C. Buckley ****

The book is definitely readable. It's about an avian flu that decimates the world. But it's viewed from one family, say mid 40s and their 2 daughters. A year after the husband leaves the wife and the flu hits - he moves back in with the ex and brings along his 20 something girlfriend. RIGHT. Like that has a touch of reality. NOT.

So anyways they don't seem to have any sort of physical relationship at all (girlfriend ex husband) they sleep apart. Shazia, the girlfriend, pretty much does nothing for weeks on end but eat their food, let everyone cook and clean up after her and she just mopes around sleeping. She would be walking back to Cairo IRL.

The ex wife lost a baby and just can't stop imagining him every day even tho it's 10 years later. So anyways the flu hits, it's the beginning of winter and 6 feet of snow land destroying power all over the east coast. We can just pile it all on for this fiction novel; it's not fiction for no reason. In any case, I don't mind reading it at all altho so much of it is preposterous. If there's no power for 100 miles, there's no frickin WATER. Doofus...water is pumped...electricity....duh. Plus cars had a pile up on the highway--wouldn'tcha know and of course no one can drive anyplace. Apparently no one has 4 wheel drive or snow mobiles. The snow plows never show up. The power company never shows up. Every store is empty and closed. No one works. No one ever hangs out with anyone else due to the flu killing everyone.

It's got a very narrow focus on the one family and since there's no animosity towards the bimbo it lacks a lot what could have been much better. But it doesn't suck. Finished it and there were some small surprises but by the time you find out this stuff you're beyond caring. So much angst and so little reward for the reader.

Monday, September 20, 2010

The WHISPERERS by John Connolly ****

I'm more than half thru this and I like it. There are some boring narrative areas but all in all it's an interesting plot about some ex GIs who are selling antiquities and are in possession of a gold box that's whispering to them, causing suicides of the men involved in the smuggling. Protag is investigating this aspect.

Of course there is information on PTSD, some on serving in Iraq, some on the recruiters techniques, some about torture so the writer delves into a lot of areas and some is repetitious. I can't say it's one of my favorite books but I am interested enough to continue to the end. Not a wicked page turner but nothing I want to quit either.

I would guess he has more male readers, or at least he seems to be writing more for men than women but even a female GI has her issues with the service and he gets into it very well. Most of the service stuff is very realistic. Go for it.

Friday, September 17, 2010

A CATERED BIRTHDAY PARTY by Isis Crawford **

Mostly boring. Generic murder mystery with typical plot. If you switched weather and food along with a few names you could republish this as Catered Barbeque and there are plenty of other Catered-whatevers. These people have to all be 100 lbs overweight but actual physical traits aren't mentioned all that much. All they eat is cake, cookies, pies etc.

Every chapter is basically hash and rehash of every suspect, with every reason on the planet why he or she could be the killer and how they did it. Just over and over and over discussing this are 2 sisters and whoever else they corner to hear them while moving dogs around, eating and snowing.

Not a big fan. BUT if you need something to fall asleep reading this is probably good for nodding off. B-O-R-I-N-G to S-N-O-R-I-N-G.

I wasn't even going to mention the fact she has a Richard and a Rick. How many frickin names are there? A billion? We gotta have Rick and Richard? (FYI Rick is a Richards nickname) Melissa and Missy. Annabel, Joanna and Anna. SHEEESH. Get a book of names from around the world to put this crap to bed. Where's the creativity? Not HERE!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The ART of RACING IN THE RAIN by Garth Stein ****

I did buy this one because I have read it. Someone else recently mentioned how great it was so I bought a copy cuz I wasn't that impressed the first time around. It's about life from a dogs point of view with some philosophy thrown in here and there. The dog Enzo begins with an owner, Denny who then finds true love, marries, moves around and accommodates his life to fit hers and their kid then the wife has health and submissive family issues and I won't give it away more than that. Personally I think she needed a spine insertion. Or she's just an asshole.

Denny is a race car driver and the writer/dog have a jones for it which I don't really care about and all the racing crap including who's famous and who I don't GAS about, all could be deleted without me noticing. Writer likes to philosophize about life as a race in the rain. Not a 'dog' lover book in particular. Promotes nothing about spay/neuter, litters, or poor breeding practices or pet overpopulation etc. Contributes nothing there so I guess in general I don't understand what the point of telling it from the dog view is. Why? What's the point? Cuz the dog wants to be a human and believes in reincarnation? Is that the point? What goes around comes around? I suppose that must be the point. Not impressed. It's ok, fair. Not one of my favorites. Much prefer Marley and Me if I had to choose between them. The Dalai Lama book I recommend if you're interested in reincarnation.

Looking at it philosophically myself the human race is not to be admired. If you doubt this go to a shelter and watch them put dogs to sleep and ask where did all these innocent dogs COME FROM, HUH???? WHERE? It would be a better story if the human aspired to reincarnate back as a dog...a higher form of life in my opinion. Don't even bother me with your shit until you've seen dogs euthanized. Really.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

QUEEN of the NIGHT by J.A.Jance ****

Was good reading but every introduction to a person required a paragraph to a page of long ago history which in most cases didn't have anything to do with this story. I said "most' cases but there were a few related. I just never knew which boring rehash I had to know and which I didn't. In all likelihood not knowing would have been fine. Here's an example of WTF do I care: "Brian drove Delia back to her home in Sells. He knew that at one time she and Leo had lived in the house Delia had inherited from her aunt Julia in Little Tucson, but sometime in the recent past they had moved back into the Ortiz family compound behind the gas station." Do I GAS? No. Is it moving the story line forward? No. So lots and lots of little tidbits like that draining your interest level.

Basically well written, over-detailed, sentimental, flowery, some romance, with some hocus pocus thrown in for spice. Not bad, not great. So so. Something to read without ripping your hair out but nothing a guy would want to read. In the same vein as Fried Green Tomatoes with murders.

About 25 people involved in their own private worlds, and in the end they are related by marriage or friendships or something and their stories intertwine because of the murders. Story is more focused on the inter-relationships and lives of everyone than the murders.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

9 DRAGONS by Michael Connelly ***

Haven't read enough to rate yet but so far so good. I like the smart cops, I like the quick investigations and logical way of reading crime scenes. I enjoy that small stuff and it's written well so I'm not bored. Nice intro to new characters and scenes but there is some manly push and shove, that as a female I don't get. Guess there's a lot of testosterone flung around. Small things I wouldn't think would irritate a guy make dents in their egos here. Am waiting for someone to whip it out and piss on someone else....stay tuned.

Now I get to conclusion jumping. On and on. Some guy was extorting a store owner who is now dead, the cops automatically assume he's the killer, so they are following him all over town (boring BTW) as he then extorts the son. Why on gods earth would someone extort the son after he killed the father? Did he threaten the son? Nope. Did he say, what happened to daddy will happen to you? Nope. Did daddy pay the extortion fee? Yup. Dead anyways. Seems like RED HERRING is written all over this aspect. Writer drags me around without explanation. Don't like it. Not only that but the cops are working for no pay overtime wasting MY TIME with the car chasing b.s.  Get it over. Please. I'm sure this'll take up about 4 chapters. GRRREEAT.

Absurd: the entire cops case is based on NOTHING. No evidence whatsoever. Nice police work. All done on assumptions forcing facts to fit the crime blahblahblah. Now the hero is racing off to Hong Kong to save his kidnapped idiot child who befriended a suspicious character linking to this entire thing a week ago??? WTF? Weeks BEFORE the shooting. Preplanned super intelligent triad criminals. LOL This cop looks like a bumbling moron, he has no evidence linking anyone to anything. What a dork.

Absurd: Guy tells ex wife who's living in Hong Kong when he gets there he'll need a gun. Does wife get one during those 24 hrs waiting for him to arrive so they can immediately get down to the business of finding kidnapped asshole teenager? No! They waste time after he arrives driving all over to get a gun.

FRANKENSTEIN City of Midnight by Dean Koontz****

Well, another book of the series down. I liked it but again, feel like it's written for a younger audience. NTTAWWT. Some absurdities but I guess the title is a clue for that. Like tumors running around without their pants on meanwhile some comedian PD officers (who are VERY funny BTW) are driving around town with gigantic guns hoping to kill hard-to-kill monsters but everytime I get close to seeing something happen the book ends. That's one reason I don't like series. End something. The only ending here is someone's (Arnie) safety the rest is still hovering over the equator like gnats.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

FRANKENSTEIN Prodigal Son by Dean Koontz ****

Well I had to go to the library and order these back books so I could figure out the entire series. The book is a page turner, very quick read. It's dark and scary with Frankenstein still alive creating monsters. The progression from the 4th back to the 1st book is sort of odd because it's more scientific and clone-y by the 4th book.

There are a lot of iron clad rules by which the monsters live such as they are unable to commit suicide, they can't fall in love, they can't turn on the creator, they can eat almost anything, they have 2 hearts blahblah and this is going to have to carry thru every book in the series but I don't remember any of these rules in book 4. Also these monsters are supposedly placed all over the country in positions of power and have taken over some other people's lives but the stories get very concentrated into one or two of the monsters without ever delving into the rest of them or what the hell they're doing. It's like they're forgotten or something. Unless they're not fully integrated yet? Never explained. There are things I don't like about the book, such as that. I don't like how unkillable they are and can run so fast as to beat out cars because I don't think this is going to hold up for the entire series. I don't remember that in book 4. We'll see.

Maybe it's designed for younger readers? I don't know. It's fast paced, easy to follow and well written but I don't know why I'm not more impressed. Maybe it's too superhero/monster for me. Like a kids comic book? Not sure.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The BRICK LAYER by Noah Boyd *****

Starts off a tad slow for me with 3 separate scenes that feel unconnected but once you get to chapter 4 it all moves along better. It flows nicely, not overboard on descriptions or names and feels very realistic except for the women who are overly attracted (body language?) to some of the men but 'some' men think if you look at them you want them bad....haha.

So it's well written, intense and after you get into it a bit you don't want to put it down so it's entertaining and informative because author is a former FBI agent. I too have total disregard for authority so I like that about the main character, it's like he's inside my head sometimes.

It's about a terrorist group messing with the FBI and either killing them, framing them for crimes or manipulating their actions; all for ransom.

I must say, if the PD, FBI and/or CIA are half as stupid as some writers portray them we are all in for a world of hurt.

Good reading.

Friday, August 27, 2010

BLACK FRIDAY by Alex Kava *****

Starts a little slow but builds up well. Human 'bombs' go off in the mall of America and all hell breaks loose. People are scrambling to figure out who/why and others are trying to survive with the killers on their tail. Pretty good story telling but there are some "last book" issues. Yeah I don't care what happened to everyone in the last book, thanks. Some of the angst can be explained by the past like why so and so is still shell shocked or depressed over someone's death but don't give me the entire old book in the new one with explanations for each character. It can be said, 'they worked together before' and I'll survive.

Otherwise it's good reading, a page turner, with good descriptions, and writer is a step ahead of me- which is a novelty. Worth your time for sure.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

THE ARK by Boyd Morrison ****

Just started it and so far I'm hooked into the story line. Easy to read, slow intro of characters, good descriptions without wasting my time...so far....

I thought it has an interesting story line but there seems to be a lot of religious themed novels out there. This one is about finding Noah and his ark whatever the interpretation wants to be. I swear if you took religion out of fiction novels apparently some people have nothing much to say.

It's a good library book, there's some romance; nothing heavy but it's ok. Now for the WTF's; a female killer puts poison on a guy and at the same time she could have done it to the female with him. No idea why not but the point is that her killer boyfriend is proud that she didn't fuck that up. Well I think she did sir, as she only killed the guy. Not the female who now has the knowledge you're trying to cover up. I don't understand how this gets by since they both are so proud of her killing abilities...right?

You can safely skip chapters 26-30 gratuitous action adventure---> spoiler:
One bad guy dies but they get the secret suitcase from the good guys. Nuff said, continue on....lots of tough muscular men and skinny hot broads....have at it.

The last chapters is a fight with Ulrich vs Tyler Locke. It's very disruptive when one paragraph is about "Tyler" doing this and that, then the next paragraph "Locke" is in this or that situation. Shit...can't you stick to one frickin name? WTF?

Saturday, August 21, 2010

HOTHOUSE ORCHID by Stuart Woods*****

Just starting this one and Holly, our heroine, is a CIA pro who gets followed by a car with blue lights, injected and wakes up naked from the waist down with a needle mark in her neck. At the hospital there is not one mention, not a tiny hint about a rape test kit being used so; WTF??? Naked? Drugged? No rape kit? Did I miss something about Holly being a man? So it's mentioned a day later. Too little too late. Any chick wakes up in the dirt without panties is gonna swiftly panic about rape, pregnancy, some dirty, disgusting manhandling etc. But she's very blase, relaxed about the whole incident and hasn't thought or mentioned it again. Not realistic in my opinion. Also she's a PRO CIA op with yrs of training and can't recognize a bubble light on top of a dash or roof as opposed to a full bar of lights in a town where she once was a chief? Come on ... sucker. Nobody has dash lights that can stop traffic that I know of.

Well I think basically it's well written and smooth, easy reading. I sincerely like it. I do have questions, however. On page 39 Holly's date doctor Josh is speaking about her family and says about her father what a nice guy blahblah and "his wife" is nice not "your mother" is nice. How does he know that's not her mother? Must have missed something? Enquiring minds want to know.

Ex CIA agent "Jack Smithson" is a fickle fellow. He's in love with one chick, she's killed, he falls immediately in love with some other chick all in about 5 chapters. Love=trivialized. Just leave your thinking cap behind and read it for entertainment value, it's a good read. No thinking!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

IN THE NAME OF HONOR by R.N. Patterson ****

Well written, intense and hard to put down. Nice descriptions, but there are quite a few characters so I'm reading slower than normal to keep them all separated in my head. It's about a murder of one GI by another so army officers are involved in the prosecution/defense.

One issue is the defense atty goes to a hotel where dead guy's wife may have been having an affair. Jose ID's her and her husband, they had a verbal altercation. But why the hell didn't they ask who she was meeting? The lawyer never bothered or checked the register or flashed anyone's pic or even mentioned to Jose about another man. WTF? So I'm pissed about that. Even in the paragraph pg 92 he asks "if not (re:affair) Brian (the accused), who?" But writer never addresses that in any form I'm dangling and falling off the cliff...no net.

So far aside from that it's very engaging, the family and friends interplay is moving along and everyone is keeping secrets which I don't particularly like. Most mysteries have everyone lying about something or other and we're supposed to pretend it's not going on. Oh....Kay.....so I'm pretending to be stupid. Meanwhile I have my suspicions now about Brian. Did he murder his mommy when he was 9 too? See? Curiouser and curiouser.

Ok, so what does "full-breasted" mean? As opposed to half breasted? Like a mastectomy? Like if you order chicken you want the FULL breast not a half one like in the grocery store? But pertaining to a woman...what? It's just that it says this on pg 141 and I'm awe struck by the phrase. What EV-AH can it mean? What?

If you like courtroom blather this is the book for you. Not much in the way of mystery or surprises tho. I skipped a lot of the testimonies. Not a fan of so much repetition. Book seemed too long to me. Got bored.

Monday, August 16, 2010

DARK TIGER by William G. Tapply *****

This isn't a bad read at all. An oddity are some names. People just call each other by 3 of their names whenever the urge strikes like: 'Stonewall Jackson Calhoun get over here'. Says his girlfriend, not his mom. Not many people do that. More like; nobody? Sort of weird. Then another character is Franklin Delano Redbird. Apparently we got a famous name jones which isn't much of a crime but it's distracting.

Book is well written, am wanting to continue the story. The lead character Stoney, is pretty much an asshole to his girlfriend, and in general. He won't tell her even the barest minimum about his little secret mission he is FORCED to go on. Since he was struck by lightening and lost his memory he believes he worked covertly which is sort of the premise of these no-name mystery people who can suddenly have his business without a building to work from, his girlfriends' husband (yes cheater) kicked out of his old folks home unless Stoney does what they want. Pretty shady for gov't people. Why don't they just drag him into an office, explain his past and ask him to work part time to work off his past training? I don't get the big hushhush/blackmail shit...must be a guy thing. They could fill him in on his history in trade for work but the farce of blackmail must be more thrilling or som'tin.

And the cops are dumber than shit. Murder by gun they accuse someone of the murder cuz it's HIS gun in HIS room. Well they got no proof of ownership- yet call it HIS gun. Then it turns out to be Calhoun's gun and they jump to guilt there as well. Dumb hick cops apparently can't do a job without the professional memory-loss guy.

Otherwise the story progresses in an orderly fashion, descriptions are kept to a fair minimum, no stupid internal angst. It's interesting to see what this guys' point of view of a relationship is....all women in snug fitting jeans (read: camel toes) pretty much he's horny and needs a honeypot but anything beyond superficial isn't all that and a bag of chips...honesty for example or harmony, truth, justice and the American way. I think I got that down after I turned 20. But thanks for the memories. There's a mystery and someone is out to solve it and I want to keep reading- what more can I ask for?

O and hello NH writer- my old stomping grounds.
PS cracking windows and leaving a dog in the car isn't sufficient ventilation in warm weather. Open them more, like 4-8 inches and leave water for the dog.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

SUPREME JUSTICE by Phillip Margolin *****

Got right into it ASAP. Very interesting, well written and flows along like you're there. People are intro'd slowly and are well crafted. I also get a good sense of my surroundings. Recommend this one for mystery buffs.

About a judges aide or similar who has a past solving crimes. The judge needs his discretion to hire someone to find out why people want a case not looked at too carefully before the convicted female (Sarah) gets the chair. Lots of intrigue. It's carefully crafted and takes its time but you can feel the forward momentum. Have fun.

Issue: Sarah gets arrested for murdering someone who later shows up alive so that case is dismissed yet never once is the blood from her carpet ever mentioned. Who's is it pray tell? They would have needed it if the case went to court and it almost did. The cops/lawyers would be on some other crusade if that blood was from someone else. Issue 2: no one seems at all concerned that when the guy finally is murdered he has 4 different passports with his pic on them. So buddy I ain't a stupid reader. Courts, judge, lawyers, clients...everybody would have a nose into every clue. They wouldn't ignore them like this story line does. Making me crazy. Feeling urge to scribble in book margins....nonono...must not.

It's a good story and I liked it. There were a few loose ends but I'll get over it.

Friday, August 13, 2010

CAT IN AN ULTRAMARINE SCHEME by C.N.Douglas *

Wow couldn't even bother to read it. I read the 'before now' crap and bailed out ASAP. This is why so many publishers (previous to recently) refused to publish stories written by 'animals'. Don't know what the sudden explanation publishers have for these books reproducing all over the place like bunnies now.
I suspect tho. Just ask.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

CIVIL TWILIGHT by Susan Dunlap*

The beginning is full of weirdness. Darcy our heroine is babysitting some adult stranger for her lawyer brother and she mentions Darcy's missing brother (20 yrs ago), her other brother Mike rolls up in a police unmarked car. How did he know where she was? Isn't San Francisco a HUGE place? He landed his car right next to her without any phone calls. Nothing -and mentions Mike. She must have a HUGE family can't wait for all the proper nouns to hit me like a hurricane.

The missing Mike seems to be the topic of the day from a total stranger (twit) to her own brother and Darcy has been doing a lot of thinking about him lately. Wonder if he's on the menu.....a stupid comment about a Buddhist koan is what makes a total stranger (twit) tell Darcy not to blame herself for her brother missing. HUH?

Letcha know as I go. So far lots of strange events that lead the reader someplace I'm resistant to go.

The story telling is disjointed. So hard to follow. I'm hazarding a guess since I can swear I saw the word 'queue' she's English. Skip chapter 6 it's total bullshit and contributes nothing to the story. Just rip it the hell out. Waste of time.

Now I'm reading about traffic stopped, a body on the roadway (not street? or highway? roadway?) matching the twits description. Twit, who it's implied, is screwing both brothers and not even divorced yet. So where was I? God only knows...so ummm body, roadway, news copter, roadkill and 'unsubstantiated report of a shoe falling into the parking area'. What FRIGGIN parking area? I thought it was a roadway. What FRIGGIN "falling" from what/where? STUPID WRITER. Now we hop over to a new chapter. BOING! 4 pages later we get the "high rise" she fell off. I hope the double dealing divorcee is dead and I don't want any more information about this bitch.

I'm only on page 50 -I don't know if I can finish it. Wish I had her drug supply.
Here's a bit of magic for you. "He (a cop) had his cell on speakerphone. The squawk was coming so fast from so many locations it was almost impossible to make sense of it." I totally understand lady, makes no sense to me either. You can't turn a cell phone into a police scanner. This is what I'm dealing with here.
Smoke some weed and read it'll all make sense to ya someday just don't fall off your koan. LOL I would stop but I can't help myself. Now she says "lucky it wasn't a fifty engine smash-up" ENGLISH WRITER=It screams at me. I didn't know engines ran around on the highway able to smash up. So I guess she means in ENGLISH a fifty CAR PILE UP. Holy crap. This is becoming a comedy. I never got thru it. Too bloody awkward. Cover bio says she lives in SanFran but trust me, she's from ENGLAND.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

SICK LIKE THAT by Norman Green ***

So I'm confused. The protagonist, AL is a head taller than a guy named Frank (page 24) who is six foot four inches tall. Al has the vocabulary of a NY mobster, i.e. swearing, lingo and says a woman; or broad if you will, has a nice rack (pg 95). Al has 2 guys attempt a robbery and SHE beats the crap out of them throwing both around like potato chips. Thought Al was guy? All that's missing kiddies are the balls and bat. The writer should stick to a male point of view cuz this is really fucked up. Everything is screaming either she's a GUY or she's a TRANNY. Nothing in between. Sorry.

Aside from that, the writer does a lot of assuming in the characters' heads. Like they follow an assumption when someone disappears that he's in hiding, or been kidnapped but murder is not an option. They are proceeding to check phone and credit cards and assume he was dealing in something that he had to disappear. Other assumptions are made about people being dead/alive/missing and no solid reasons are given for these deductions that are made. I need to know WHY. Why why why?

If you are sensitive to gratuitous swearing and tough-guy behavior, lots of slang you won't like this book. I never saw The Sopranos but think of them in dresses, short, short, short ones with huge boobs. AL entertains the idea of having sex with the boss so he doesn't kill himself altho repulsed by him...WTF? I personally don't care- but every character is somewhat similar and it's hard to tell where one ends and another begins. They all come across as tough wise-guys from the mean streets.

I'm reading the story, it's not horrible. It's fair. But the lead character I can only picture slamming her head at doorways, her knees bounce off her chin when she sits in a chair, she has to duck down to put her eyeliner on. I mean this bimbo is seriously tall. And has a nice rack, and apparently all the rest of her body parts are a guy's wet dream. Have no idea what her hair color is tho....hmmmm....if I get curious I'll back track but I don't think writer cares about any physical features other than tits and ass. Where the hell does she shop..big and tall? She has no purse. What woman has no purse? (She finally has one on page 260 for a brief moment when she needs something out of it). These people never eat.
It's a male writer. SURPRISE!!!!!


On Google earth can you check to see if a car is in someone's driveway? Or are those fixed pictures? Well in this book you can see if someone is home with the google pix. Hmmmmm not possible I'm thinking. I wanted to finish reading it so that counts for the 3 stars.

13 1/2 by Nevada Barr *****

Really great writing style and creepy, mysterious story. I really like how fast paced it is and the characters are very well rounded out.

A girl marries one of two brothers involved in a family murder as children. You will be confused till the end about who did it as are all the characters and with the name changes it is additionally confusing.

I can't believe someone would take 40 years to think about a crime he supposedly committed (murder). Hasn't even tried to remember it. Just a few thoughts about it NOW and POOF he suddenly realizes who the killer is when he wouldn't think about it for 40 yrs. 40 years? You can go thru life without any memory of something so horrific as a family slaughter without THINKING of it and knowing whether you're innocent or guilty? When people say they don't remember a horrific crime I lean towards 'guilty but not going to admit'.

Other than that...have at it. Good reading, suspenseful, eery, page-turning fiction.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

FRANKENSTEIN Lost Souls by Dean Koontz *****

I haven't read the first 3 installments of this series so I have to play catch-up while I'm reading this one. Of course now I'll have to go back to the library and ask for the first three. Suggestion to readers; start with the others.

So far I'm being fast forwarded into some strange clone world with people who've all been here before me. I always like Dean's writing style, easy flow and great descriptions. Everything is properly dreary and creepy. I don't know too many writers who put down descriptions I enjoy reading but I do read these or I'm afraid I'd miss some little clue and it's not painful.

I'll keep going and hope a golden retriever shows up someplace to guide me through what I don't understand cuz I'm starting in the middle of something. O, I like it.


This is a never-ending story. To be continued. If you're not into that, hands off. If you are start with the first one, Prodigal Son.


Monday, August 2, 2010

CORPSE ON THE COB by Sue Ann Jaffarian ****

I'm liking the writing style, she really moves along and the lead character is believable and likable. I do have some issues. So this Odelia is telling a story, first person but shit she doesn't TELL half of it, like she says her husband Greg has some photos which were downloaded from a couple's cell phone. Odelia had them on HER cell and wouldn't look at them. That's a big STUPID ASS. She's not telling me what they're of, not telling how many there are. Supposedly the photos are of a murder in a corn maze. Tell me something....WHAT ARE THEY OF? Are you dragging it out for the last page cuz meanwhile you're only pissing me off? If it's a clue-this is a murder mystery-so give the clue. If it solves the case then don't tell me about the pix until the end of the frickin book.

Why did these people with the cell phone stop at this murder and in a few minutes or seconds have 2 hours worth of photos Odelia looked thru? 2 HOURS??? GIVE ME A BREAK. Even after telling me that I'm not told WHAT the pix are, how many, are they of the murder? What? LURCH? Leaving me in the....

Next an old boyfriend who apparently competed with her current husband for her affections is called to the scene by the current husband. WHO would do that? What new husband in his right mind would be so dumb as to call the ex boyfriend to the scene to help her out while he stays home? LOL

Next this old boyfriend continuously calls her 'little mama'. WHY? I don't know, that's never explained and she's not 'little' she's a size 20 and she's not a 'mama', she's childless. So WTF lady? Something is seriously wrong with an ex boyfriend calling his ex "little mama". He needs a brain transplant for starters.

Next everyone has a half brother or uncle or aunt, it takes place supposedly in Mass. but you should move it to any southern state where it'd make more sense for everyone to be inter-related.

These pretzels are making me thirsty.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The ASK by Sam Lipsyte **

Hell if I know. Something about asking for donations and the people who give them? A pretentious married-with-kid asshole working at some college for donations. Not a fan. Sex, sex, hard ons, blow jobs, big titties and getting his head between her knees. How-to use women diatribe?

The cover says 'tour de force blahblah.. deepest fictions are often the funniest.' I haven't laughed. Teaches creative writing. In order for art and literature to (b pretentious) have a sense of whatever the fuck "art" is I suppose one must throw nudity, masterbation and sex all over it like a Jackson Pollock; replacing paint with a big tool and jism. Not entertaining if you're me so I didn't finish it.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

DECEPTION by Jonathan Kellerman ****

Always a good read from this author, it's Dr. Delaware and Milo Sturgis the detective teaming up to solve a murder of a woman who accuses people of abuse but she really has quite a few sexual misadventures of her own. The background is an LA prep school with lots of teacher misconduct etc.

Have fun, it's a good read and flows nicely, great descriptions, some amusements here and there. Who dunnit murder mystery.

There were some places I got bored with the 'what if's'. They're too distracting and internal character thoughts = Do. Not. Like. Last book of his I read was better.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

BLIND PANIC by Graham Masterton ***

OMG what a frickin difference from the last book. Hits you in the face immediately. Sucked in like a whirlpool.

Has a good lead but later gets bogged down in repetition. Over and over again with the car and plane accidents; people going blind chapter after chapter. Over and over. The two heros are self-proclaimed fortune tellers. One has 'real' power. She knows every conceivable chant and language from the Sioux, the Santeria, the old ghosts, witches, probably Hells Angels and the Mafia, etc, etc. We have too much technology and the ghosts of Christmas past wants America to revert back to cowboys and Indians on horseback. Other protag is a scammer of old ladies. So the mean old ghost is blinding everyone and pretty much in each chapter you have to put up with people dying or being blinded or planes crashing due to pilots going blind. Somewhat on the monotonous side.

BTW Inktomi the spider is IKTOMI the spider but I suppose it could be spelled other ways due to Lakota not being our language. In any case the two whites will eventually solve the Indian ghost issues and all will be well with the world. I'm about 3/4 thru it. I skip over some of the boring repetition when people meet each other for example we go over the whole enchilda yet again. You do need something to fill pages with I suppose but I'm totally bored with the peat and repeat blindness and President being chastised by the ghost and whatever. You could just write: "world in chaos- people all going blind" and I wouldn't have to read so many boring pages and pages of it.

The basic premise is kind of strange. Our technology suddenly irritates an old ghost who wants us all to live off the land but he goes around blinding everyone? WTF? Have a beer for every exclamation point -you'll get pretty drunk.

I'm very disappointed because this started out so awesome. I was really into it but it got boring at about chapter 9 and went down as fast as one of the planes.

Friday, July 23, 2010

HARDBALL by Sara Paretsky *

Just started this frickin crap. I used to really like VI Warshawski novels.
There are so many proper nouns she must have worn the caps key down to a nub. Just in 14 pages: Johnny Merton aka the Hammer, Lamont Gadsden, Miss Claudia, Sister Frances, Tess aka Ms Reynolds, Petra, Brian Kruma, Peter and Rachael, Mr. Contreras, Harvey a special agent, Hatfield, Kelsey Ingalls, Alito, Bobby Mallory, Derek Hatfield page 16 add: Elton Garinger, Sister Frankie page 18: Morrell Gabriella, Mosielio, Iphigenia, Pitigliano...geez. I'm tired. I skipped pages hoping to seek some relief in chapter 4. Jesus I swear with the city names, people names, aka names, last names, churches and streets I've had it. My pet peeve is drowning me in proper nouns. HATE IT. Warshawski the VIP name dropper -what a beast. All names, first, last, nicknames, akas....even in Chapter 4 I got more to memorize: Lotty, Elton, Karen Lennon, Max Lowenthal, Miss Ella. We are very serious about our make-believe characters....very serious.

Someone needs to remove her cap key and/or stop name dropping.

I may not make it past chapter 6 I'll give it my best shot because I'm outta books. I need the library ASAP and can't get there till tomorrow she said as she tore her Medium Brown hair from her head. NEXT DAY: DID get there today.

Continuing on, if you just start reading at chapter 4 you may be ok because chapter 1 is chapter 12. Don't ask. I think chapter 2 is chapter 11. Past, present and future are a gigantic blur.  Blahblah and in 1967 she didn't talk to him about that...and now we're eating dinner with so and so but in 1967 we wouldn't do that and so and so is a big politician and back when Warshawski knew him in "the day" he was nobody. Back and forth, back and forth. I'm dizzy.

There is sort of a story in there if you can ignore the political b.s. the sports b.s. the city of Chicago b.s. Good luck, it's a lot of work and I'm thinking I don't really care about that fathead and now I have 3 other books.....

Dazed and confused, reeling from the excess names and of being repeatedly and forcefully yanked back and forth thru time zones -I reach for another book....Buh Bye!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

ONE SECOND AFTER by William R. Forstchen *****

Not a bad read at all. A little unemotional and coarse lead character, or he has a stick up his ass but the story is a good fiction read. It's about a EMP (electro magnetic pulse) and I may have this wrong but it's an atomic explosion out of the atmosphere over an area that cripples all electronics below that point. The USA is pretty reliant on technology, electronics and electricity so you can imagine the country trying to survive months without it. This is about a large southern town and how they're coping. Written by a southern conservative- no doubt.

The protagonist-almost a General has a couple kids and his mom-in-law with him in his house to protect. He also has 2 Goldens. Dogs saved the family by barking a warning to looters. One dog gets shot and protagonist actually has more feeling about the dog than any people he's killed. He does send the body down the road for someone's dinner--see about the unemotional? Cold. Cold. Very chilly.

One issue I have is with names: John, Jen (MIL), Jennifer (kid), & Ben-rhymes-with-Jen. Washington whom I keep thinking we're moving to DC for the next paragraph. Otherwise good story telling. Not too much detail to jam up the progression of the story and a realistic scenario which is pretty frightening. He doesn't need monsters -just take out our electronics and we are totally FUCKED. For real. Make sure you have a gas grill, maybe a tent, a coleman lantern, um...lots and lots of water! Yeah...fer sure....and grow some veggies for heavens sake. A good page turner. Watch out for when they break out the Yankee Doodle Dandy shit more than once. I don't know what's truly different (re:bad) between cannibal societies, saviors and followers, debbil worshippers, cults or the self righteous over-patriotics in this and FYI 'Never Forget' belongs to Israel.

Note to self:
Grow some veggies



GHOST WALK by Heather Graham **

I got this paperback at a yard sale or something and read it (slowly) when I'm at the beach. Another NY Times selling author. Big Whoop. I just noticed I read her before and commented. Apparently she writes ghost romances?

A male mixed Sioux Indian sees ghosts and meets up with our hero Nikki who has been seeing them as well. Her friend Andrea died and is trying to warn her about something. Nikki the wuss keeps seeing her and screaming, she also screams for palmetto bugs...naked...in the shower with the Indian in the next room....conveniently also naked. Back to the point of the pointless story. So I'm on page 260 something and Nikki has seen plenty of ghosts without ONCE. ONCE asking "why are you haunting me?" Someone even warns her she's in danger and the moron is cock-obsessed and that's about it. Getting laid is priority one and so far she's not doing badly but we still don't know why she's being frickin haunted.

If you like romances...fine climb aboard it's somewhat shallow. If you're looking for something with a touch of reality keep looking. Poor trees. I feel bad for the slaughter of all the trees.

DEEPER THAN the DEAD by Tami Hoag

Wouldn't give it any stars. Don't waste your time on this #1 NY Times best selling author unless you are in like 7th grade. Is that who reviewed it for the NY TIMES some underdeveloped personality?

It takes the point of view of some children for about half the book expediting this to BORING in a blur. Not 'deeper than' superficial. I had to focus and refocus and finally realized how repetitive and childish it was.

There are a few adult points of view but I didn't want to wade thru the children's crap like: What's daddy going to do now? Will I be punished? Do I have to go to school? See a psychologist? Can I still ride my bike to school? Crap like that. Underwhelmed. I'm not into reading all the mindless thoughts of a 10 yr old. Or pretty much of anyone. Keep your boring internal angst to yourself thanks very much.

Friday, July 16, 2010

BURN by Ted Dekker & Erin Healy **

About some total bitch who has a money fixation. She lets her family and friends die so she can make a deal with a mass murderer (the debbil). The murderer is a counterfeiter. So she wants to trade a fake million she stole and holds for ransom in order to get a real million (all bills under 50 bucks). That's more than a few suitcases but what this dolt is too stupid to realize is if the counterfeiter HAD A MILLION he wouldn't be mass producing bills. Sherlock-writer.

It seems to be written ok but is often confusing. One stupid thing was hair blew into her face and I get a sentence telling me she didn't brush it away. Really? Do I care?

So onwards I plod and I saw on the cover; Fiction/Christian/Suspense. Starts off with gypsies and I suppose I'll be bombarded with some religious hocus pocus before this is over. Too true.

Ok..so the DEA supposedly copied the serial numbers of the bills so they can...what...prosecute people later for dealing drugs? What the writer is unaware about counterfeiting is the numbering of the bills. They all have the same number it's way too costly to print fake bills with all different serial numbers. Impossible even. (Not that I like, spent more than a year or so pondering this very issue as a graphic artist.) So soon as the DEA began recording the ONE serial number they'd know the money is fake. End of scenario.

Halfway thru it's like 15 yrs later or something and the cast of 3 important people are about to confront each other after everyone in their families were killed over this fake million by a bad guy now 'fake' dead.

This evil villain Sanso has been in love (or something like that) with this insane person Janeal, aka Janice aka Janet, aka Katie. I'm to understand that god split her in pieces for this story so she can perform multiple roles. Sanso after 15 years gets to kiss her but is supposedly mindlessly in love with her. ROTFLMAO
"AKA" as I shall refer to her has a sore throat when confronting her old friends or enemies I'm not sure which cuz she hates everyone so much. But changes eye color, hair length and color and has the convenient sore throat so no one's the wiser as to whom she is which is fine with me cuz I don't know and she don't know and no one in the story knows either. WTF???

Anyone know what this means? "She looked down the throat of another sleepless night?" Any tonsils involved? Then AKA sees her mom's ring on someone else's finger but I get this crap that is unfathomable. Tell me reader, are the stones on the ring or not? "Six diamonds glinted as if they were living things blahblahblah it represented a cruel contradiction of reality, in which five of the six stones....pried out of settings and crushed underfoot while the sixth stubbornly remained...blahblahblah." So what the FUCK? AND you cannot crush a DIAMOND underfoot, they cut GLASS FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD hardest stone known to mankind! What color is the sun on your confusing planet? The same planet that splits people into parts and has them meet later????

You need your aluminum-wrap hat to read this one. I am not kidding.