Tuesday, June 29, 2010

CUT, PASTE, KILL by Marshall Karp ****

Not bad reading at all. Light and somewhat humorous. I say somewhat because it's sort of glib and superficial sounding. Everybody's a comedian. It would be nice for different characters to have a different personality but these are all similar attitude, humor and tone. NTTAWWT but I'm not on board.

Good mystery here because I'm interested in the solution and happily plod along with the bad jokes. It's about a scrap booking vigilante serial killer. A white haired female killer who uses ping pong balls and cats to select at random the person to be done in.

One quibble I have is about the dog fighting. Anyone who dog fights doesn't have their dogs loose with each other because there would only be one dog left in the yard. A very bloody one. They're all kept separated by chains, fencing, kennels or whatever. In this story a pack of pit bulls broke out of a fenced yard and attacked someone. Not possible. Packs of pit bulls on 'steriods' as stated, trained for fighting would never be allowed near each other. Sorry. I did animal control and dealt with a pit bull fighting task force. Some tiny bits of realism are called for.

Friday, June 25, 2010

DARKNESS-short stories by various authors *****

This is a book of short, very dark stories. I like it. Ya got King, Barker, Straub, Carol Oates, Hill and some I haven't heard of but each story is short and weird. Because they're short fiction you don't have to actually get emotionally involved and love it or anything cuz it's over in a few pages. Great if you're busy. Read one, go about your life and when you have time later read another. Also awesome for falling asleep but watch for nightmares.

They're twisted, some with vampires, killers, perversions and you'll never look at a cheeze doodle the same again!

Well I get to this one stupid story by Hand. Some nutjob hallucinates all the time. One paragraph I read: "...since he'd been at the new house the glimpses of them have diminished." Second paragraph after that she goes "...lately it seemed that they came more easily, more often." So WTF is it? More or less? Is this so frickin difficult? Come ONNNNNN. My dog can write better than this.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

BREATHLESS by Dean Koontz *****

Yeah needs no introduction. Buy it, great reading esp. if you're a dog lover he likes to throw intelligent canines in his stories and I love delving into his imagination with smart dogs. Thanks for the awesome hours of reading Dean!

BTW I think you need to write novels LONGER not as the dedication: to Aesop with apologies for the length. Length is good my man.

Monday, June 21, 2010

SMASH CUT by Sandra Brown *

If you miss the title that's cuz it's squeezed between two gigantic SANDRA BROWN announcements. I'm really astounded by the new way these publishing houses think a writer is more important than the material one writes. FUCK THAT. Is it all politics? For me personally I don't GAS who wrote it just, please god, make it worth my time reading it. And ya know, even Steven King writes crap now and then- doesn't mean I don't like him. But please his name isn't more important than than the story. Without the story there would be NO KING!

This is a murder mystery where a family is now going to fight over the inheritance. I like murder mysteries. Haven't gotten beyond 25 pages. It's ok, sort of shoving a lot of characters on me early but not unable to cope.

Well this female screws a guy on a plane. Hint: our 2 protagonists. So it's now a romance and later in the story he tries to kiss her but she's just been reborn a virgin. I'm just laughing here on page 142 where she protest'eth too much and runs off in a huff cuz he felt her up. The girl led him into an airplane bathroom of all places and screwed him without telling him her name! What-evah. Wannabe romance writer. I would prefer the mystery without the gratuitous fucking. Try to be good at one thing-mystery. Stick to that and try to sell Harlequin the rest. Meantime get this shit out of my mystery novel.

There's an evil extremely wealthy nephew who the murdered uncle left ALL his money to. He suspected he was evil but still left his fortune to him (changing at last minute doesn't count). The evil nephew already has like 70 million and doesn't even need the money. Am wondering WHY did Uncle Dimwit leave evil nephew every penny..guess he wanted to be murdered.

So a killer walks into a serrated butcher knife our heroine is holding and dies. Yeah Ok. Plus she's a big liar and withholds information especially if withholding is going to make her look guilty. So I was wrong: Dear writer be good at the romance and leave the mystery writing to someone more competent. Walks INTO A KNIFE AND DIES?? Holy crap. Her boyfriend still likes her when she lies and lies and lies to him.

Writer has a very perverted view of women. Liars, tricksters, conning and scamming their way into a man's bed. Not necessary ma'am most men are easily beddable no xtra talent needed. Sheesh. So many whores. The least she could do is portray strong, capable, intelligent women but you get these hooker bitches. ICK POO. Am disappointed. Now I know why the name is in 200 size type while the title is hidden. It's cuz there is NOTHING between the cover worth bothering with. If you like Sandra Brown then buy me for no other reason- stupid!

O now someone was "drugged" with 2 beers and supposedly 15 Darvocets in each beer. LOL RIGHT! No one will notice these huge grainy bitter pills ground up in a little dinky beer right? Sure enuff NOT. Bwahahahaa

Sunday, June 20, 2010


I cannot continue cuz I'm bored to tears and keep drifting to sleep while I'm trying to read this. About a coroner and 2 disappeared boys 7 yrs ago presumed to be dead muslims without any proof whatsoever of their religion or death. The mom of one calls Five-O daily with "I'm being watched" histrionics and is ignored by the coroner who is herself ignored by everyone else.

Every trail to find out what happened has pages of nothing going on. Then one of the coroner's bodies in the morgue disappears. Not one time is she examining anything at all. She's on a quest roaming hill and dale or on the phone getting brushed off. Or her assistant is brushing her off. The entire novel up to now is basically about how to brush off and give no information to whatever a coroner is in Bloody Olde England. Around here she'd have a scalpel, a body on a cart and would be telling me what someone died of. In England she's a bore. I tried and tried to be interested but just couldn't work up once ounce of GAS.

Buh Bye Boring as hell writer!

Friday, June 18, 2010

WORST CASE by Patterson & Ledwidge *****

Patterson, great writer. Don't know the other guy. This is about wealthy kids being kidnapped and murdered. Quick paced, good descriptions and like the way he writes for sure. The only drawback for me personally is I don't care about religion and this is stuffed with nuns and fathers etc. He has 8 adopted kids and wife died 2 yrs ago. Really don't care.

There's a nanny who apparently is in love with the lead character Det. Bennett and he's being obtuse about noticing. He notices the female FBI agent tho.

Evil villain is evil. Good guys on the case.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

SILENCER by James W. Hall ***

Not quite half thru. We got some ranch with 2 generations of family on it, land changing hands to become a donation and upset inheritors ipso facto- people die. I really could do without the life history of a desk and table. What's up with that?

Don't mind the story too much but we have this supposedly bright girl with a dummy for a husband named Browning. She's skinning pigs for a living (gross much?) used to be a city girl. But now is a country person so adept outside when the crickets stop being noisy that she's suspicious....unless....her very own presence shut them TFU ya think? Lots of sappy history background. Claire is a main character, a daughter in law...guess she thinks she owns the place and is going to find the killer. I'm on page 100 and not being a country-daughter-in-law-bright-asshole I still know her husband has something to do with his fathers death. No duh. Or maybe it's the scum he hangs out with on his safari-behind-a -fence. Just curious if she's so fucking bright why she's still there since they haven't exactly been getting along. Now. After people die and she's suddenly so stupid. Her brother in law Frisco thinks she's a flipping genius tho...wonder how dumb he is. Other names are Rusty (female), Moses and Jonah and guess which has a whale fixation. LOL

Sometimes when men write a book and have women as lead characters the women are strange. Skinning animals? Really? Not raised on a farm or slaughter house. But doesn't blink at having a safari for rich men to kill endangered/imported animals all day long. I mean she's gotta be a strong transexual transvestite or something from a down home kinda farm life to carve the skin off and rip the head from the spine with her bare hands. She's sort of disgusting. Did I miss something?

The story is readable but you have to get your head around gross and bizarre.
Edgar award winning author!!

And 6 yrs into the marriage she is just now cringing at things her husband says or does. Slow learner?

Monday, June 14, 2010

IN BIG TROUBLE by Laura Lippman *

For starters her frickin' name overpowers the cover by half then in small letters you have the headline crunched together barely legible at the bottom. Not a good sign. Let. Me. See. What is more important...the story? or the author? Ummmmm WRONG LAURA!

I'm reading history lessons, blahblahblah. Up to page 18 and really have had enough of her past life, everyone else's past life including Daniel Boone's. You can go either way- mine: Boring as all hell or USA Today (they read books?) who say she's "A Writing Powerhouse." Your call but I don't see me finishing this one unless something interesting happens. So far NOT. She gets an old news article in the mail of her old boyfriend (who used to have dreadlocks. Purple ones. See, I don't know him yet and I don't GAS). WHOOPEE DOO then lead character Tess is so excited about it she climbs the Washington monument and I gotta hear about that for a page or two.

Got as far as women, children and dogs eating pie and boring the shit out of me. All done. Finis.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

FRAGMENT by Warren Fahy *****

Seriously awesome story telling here. I love it. About a remote island that developed alone with no humans, only weird creatures. The island is discovered and people (army, scientists, reality show) are now interacting with the island creatures, who are wicked dangerous.

Keeps me reading and wondering what's next. Will any of the bizarre animals escape? What about any intelligent creatures? Will the humans get out alive? It's really very intriguing. The premise is scientifically believable. Just great fiction writing, edge of the seat stuff. In the vein of Jurassic Park.

I'm involved emotionally with the characters, the setting and story line. Each person is unique and it's not hard to put names to the faces because each person has quirks and traits you attach to them. Nice job!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

MR. MONK IN TROUBLE by Lee Goldberg ***

Expecting funny and easy to read.  The monotony of the back and forth bickering wore on me. That is between Monk and his assistant. I also didn't care for the wild West comparison of cowboy Monk. Sounds lame right? Cuz it is.

It was typical formulatic writing with an introduction to lots of people who have no function but to serve as red herrings. Not even close to the last one I read.

PIRATE LATITUDES by Michael Crichton ***

Normally Crichton is one of the better writers, this book is a pirate story in the 1600s and not one of my favorites. He could have at least threw a romance in there but it's all war, fighting, swashbuckling, heads flying, blood and brains all over type of stuff.

He shows off his boating/historic knowledge for sure but does he not know that most FICTION readers are women? It seems to me that most men writers don't get that. Seems sort of self indulgent. The action happens one thing on top of another. Also one ship Cassandra sort of just isn't mentioned again for NO REASON I can fathom (lol) and suddenly reappears when he gets back ashore. But you never see the main character mention that ship again, or wonder where it went. Thruout the goddam thing I kept questioning where the fuck that boat was.

This is another one of those irritating GIANT author name on the book cover with teeny tiny book title. WTF is up with that? I'd much rather see the title and know what it's about than who fricking wrote it.

All hands off deck.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The WILD ZONE by Joy Fielding *

Not wild about this one. It's some kinda psychological abortion with 3 dumb guys (one with Harvard education no less but stupid all the same) names like Tom, Dick and Harry. Then you just get endless repetition of their juvenile behaviors, what their juvenile thoughts are (sex) how mentally unstable they are etc. Then there are like 3 chicks...all stunning, of course no common trollops here- and pretty much they'll do a lot of sex, anything for sex -you get the idea.

Stir up the ingredients; wife beater DOCTOR, wife hating her life but too dull mentally to escape, stupid violent morons and girls who screw anything that moves then put in oven till done.

Really tripe cliches overworked. Hated it. I'm more than 1/2 way thru and NOTHING is happening. NOTHING. I like mysteries. I don't know what to call this besides "teenybopper" reading. Not for grown ups unless you want to be seriously dumbed down.

Find something else to read unless you have an empty mind and don't want to put anything else in there.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

VIXEN 03 by Clive Cussler **

A plane goes down in the 50s and never is seen again. You don't learn about what it was carrying until middle of the book and by then with all the other boring collection of assholes you almost don't care. At first I was highly interested in reading this...I kept it in my beach bag for beach reading but took it out to continue until all these new characters with hidden motives scattered my interest to the winds.  Back in the beach bag.

There is dangerous stuff on the plane, people were killed for a couple canisters but how they found it who knows and why they don't go back for more? Who knows and why they're not killing new people who found it? OR why not kill the original admiral who shipped it out? Who knows.....I'll letcha know when I do.

Never had any of my questions answered. Left unsatisfied.

The BONE THIEF by Jefferson Bass ****

I read these co-authors all the time, they write about the body farm. There are some loose strings at the end which I don't like..where is the ex pregger? The lead character Dr. Brockton gets dragged around on a missing-body-in-the-casket case to find body parts sold on the black market, the FBI asks him to help. Something about this book I just didn't feel it for some reason. It was pretty clinical and methodically written so it took me awhile to plod thru it.

The action scenes were ok but I think everything could have been better. The doc isn't emotional, he's too removed mentally from his own actions. From a previous book relationship with a murderer (he has GREAT taste in women BTW) whom he knocked up -she's younger than his son if I remember correctly -and she is 'disappeared'. He's a real pig when it comes to women. Totally unprofessional but isn't that how most men deal? If it moves they'll screw it. Also his co-worker who he's been with for YEARS, he can't tell about his secret FBI work- so she quits? Overdone much? And applies to work for the competition? Something just wasn't real about that for me. If there is some explanation for her weirdness get into her head or something cuz it all seems so puppet-on-a-string to me.