Sunday, October 31, 2010

CRASHERS by Dana Haynes ***

As yet unrated, I'm only about 1/3 thru it. There is a cast of thousands..ok hundreds. Lots of proper nouns. It's weird that the "terrorist" is jewish. Not much of that going around in the USA. There are other terrorists mentioned, from Belfast and there's an Israelis sort of double agent overly military steroidal chick. Lots of separating origins and pointing them out. Who's from England, from Ireland, from Arab states blahblahblah. We're missing Muslims.....I don't really believe that it's necessary to divide readers and make everyone suspicious of each other. A good story can be written without the overtly dramatic unbelievable b.s.

So, after we skim over the first 3 chapters of names, outfits, country of origin, job description, home life, we finally arrive at a plane crash and people who decipher them to figure out what brought the plane down (crashers). Now it begins to get interesting but so far I don't see a 'why'. No overt hatred, no animosity, no public ransom, so far it seems like a discontented fat JEW wants MONEY deposited in his account. Cliche-much? He'll destroy planes for a mere hundred thousand bucks. And of course the JEW with a whiney over-bearing mommy (Achoo-stereotype) is involved in analyzing the little black box which he tooled to crash a plane.  

Lots of fashionista name brand clothing, shoes and suits. My gaydar is going off like a fire alarm. Missing is the nail polish colors matching the lipstick and eye shadow. Next day: Hahahahaha I hadn't got to that part yet cuz it does happen and more than once.

It's well written, as far as wanting to continue. The story would be better without all the cliche, bigoted shit that sort of pisses me off while I'm supposed to be ENTERTAINED. How come we don't get Ray's religious leanings? Or Walters? Or anyone but the Jews and Irish? I gotta ask WTF is with the 16yo goth computer genius? Why is she here? Once second there, next gone...no point. Also YES author, so our American Guiness beer and our tea sucks, gotcha- please move to Ireland or England- wherever. Go! Or drink COFFEE and BUD like the rest of the country.

There are a ton of far fetched scenarios: the Jew, the Irish mobsters in the US killing Irish and Protestants on a plane and being brought down for WAY less than a million bucks, I'm talkin chump change. Planes landing and taking off on highways, people (Dennis) knowing stuff without an explanation of how. Where'd the Irish gangsters get the money to pay for this hit? Where?

Fiction....not claiming to have any hint of reality.....sort of entertaining.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

8 SANDPIPER WAY by Macomber *

More sappy WASP crap. Between library book reading.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

RESCUING OLIVIA by Julie Compton ***

I really like the writing style, it's easy and quick. Guy, Anders, meets girl, they screw, they get into a motorcycle accident (more like pre-arranged due to her past), she disappears from hospital, he goes on a search for her while fucking every female on the way.

First he screws his best friends wife cuz she makes believe she has info on the girlfriends hosp. records. Then he sorta has sex with his 'friends with benefits' girlfriend. Anyway his wick gets dipped so you wonder how concerned can he possibly be about the disappeared NEW girl (not even months old relationship). Could it be love? Does screwball know what love is? Can screwball feel anything without getting dizzy and vomiting like a girl? Or crying like a baby?

She's from wealthy family, hangs with wealthy brats who gang raped her. Daddy is helping the gang rapers and old boyfriend, Brent. Have no clue why as yet but now she's in Africa with her "fiance" Brent who arranged the gang rape in the first place.

The characters are well drawn, I care about Anders even tho I think he's an asshole. Probably cuz he 'seems' to be learning as he goes. Mostly he's pretty dimwitted and that gets him in trouble. It's fun watching him get his ass beat here and there in his misguided girlfriend searching.

Throughout the book, Olivia the new girlfriend, has been on a "forget" drug which impossibly erases her memory of specific events. Daddy arranged it. It is implied all thru the book that "something" mysterious happened to her, and also implied OFTEN that whatever happened was BEFORE the gang rape. We never know what that was. Apparently the gang rape was it.

So she doesn't just forget whatever daddy wants, she forgets Anders and living in the States. Who made her forget THAT? What kind of drug doesn't erase a lot more than that if it can erase ONE PERSON and a few months it can erase her ex boyfriend, or her past life, or her love for Africa, the color blue or whatever. This 'drug' invention is a troubling part of the story.

The attempted murder on the motorcycle is beyond absurd. It'd be ok if one person was responsible but NOOOOOO....one person removes the helmets and different people coincidently run them off the road and the reason is even more bizarre, as there really isn't one. In the beginning a "narc" is blamed which is stupid, author meant SNITCH. And never anywhere do you ever hear of who this person the snitch is. A lot of stuff in here doesn't feel authentic.

Anders acts; seriously, as if he's about 18 but is supposed to be in his 30s. He's the most naive stupid 30+ I've ever heard of. Too many people involved in lots of unrelated, disconnected stuff, like the erase drug, Africa, smuggling other drugs, screwing best friends wife for information she hasn't got (stupid ass), blackmail, snitches, gang rapes, very jealous friend with benefits, hired-I can't say killers....so hired-run-off-the-roaders? .... and on and on and on. It's sort of scattered and non-cohesive.

Author should stick to female protags. She sucks doing men. It's a girly-man who is indecisive and cries as if he's having his period.

Somewhere on the back cover it says something about 'insight into the legal system'. Well, whut???? I didn't see one thing about the legal system...did someone give me that forget drug???

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

MEN AND DOGS by Katie Crouch ***

Your average fiction literary book-club special. Hasn't got anything to do with dogs so if you're expecting that go someplace else. No murder, no mystery. Has to do with some suicidal cheater-divorcing-husband-stalker-woman and her view of her life. Like no one else has a life to deal with, hers is so special she has to get all fucked up over it.  Daddy disappeared 20yrs ago.....she thinks he's still alive someplace. Not even a murder mystery for her to solve. Boring.

In one spot "...all this family's ever done is leave." Well geez Louise that's what happens duh...kids grow up and LEAVE. People get divorced and LEAVE. Moving=leave. Dying=leave. What was the question again???

In another scene is a Coleman lantern that hasn't been touched in 20 yrs and it works. So is it battery powered? It wouldn't work. Is it gas powered? Oil? Neither of which should be used in a small confined unventilated area (closet?) because that's how Darwin kills people. But apparently our heroine, Hannah, has spent hours like that with it on. Which probably explains her mental issues.

On page 86 "So, what, our father rigged a fake death? Tied a bag to his ankle, swam to shore?" What the hell is 'tied a bag to his ankle'?? WTF?

It was easily readable. Had people you care about, not saying you care in a good way about them all but you care so you keep reading to see what new idiocy they're up to in the next chapter. I don't think they're particularly unique or anything. Hannah sounds like a stereo-typical promiscuous bimbo, brother is an egotistical gay-yuppie and aside from their wealth if you passed them on the street you wouldn't notice.

Interesting in a voyeuristic sort of way. I didn't learn anything..oh dogs are loyal? Do I win something? Was mildly entertained but kept waiting for something-anything to happen............

Friday, October 22, 2010

74 SEASIDE AVENUE by Debbie Macomber **

I'm sure there are tons of fans but count me out. There's a scorecard in the beginning with all the characters, who they're related and married to and there are quite a few.  There is Bob and Bobby. How many names does the entire planet have and we need 2 Bobs????  I'm reading along and not really caring about who's who and screwing what. This isn't nearly as good as Metalious's Peyton Place nor Desperate Housewives but in a similar vein except for extremely boring.

Nothing happens. Lots of 'love' and warm sympathetic crap and that's about it. Seems like a fantasy "real world" venture. Author writes tons of these so either you're a long time fan and good luck with that or you're bored to tears. Good for bedtime stories; help for sleeplessness.

Another Irish lassy writer, lots of tea drinking, expiry dates and it's supposed to take place in Puget Sound. Everything is old lady-ish and cute-sy wootsy.

Contradiction: some girl gets knocked up (miscarries) and says to dad it's her dead mommy's wish from beyond. He scoffs at that but later he has it in his head that the dead wife blesses his new relationship with an old girlfriend. Magical thinking. The guy dates about a month after the wife died...kinda creepy....but of course the daughter is mortified, he's very wimpy and obeys her giving up his girlfriend, who later moves to town and everything ever after is awkward. They never "do it" either. Who'd want a wimpy ass-man like that? He needs to grow a pair. Most of the men she writes about need a pair. Not talkin about grapes here....

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

BACK ROADS by Tawni O'Dell ***

Mom killed dad-or so it goes in the beginning. 18 yo boy volunteers to work 2 jobs to support the other 3 or 4 siblings all female, ages 6-16. The 16yo female fucks everything in pants and protag Harley is a virgin.

I'm on the fence. It's well written, interesting, I'm not overwhelmed with characters. I do want to continue on, nothing holds me back. There are things I don't like about it but that's personal taste. The fly cover describes the protag as having endearing humor, love for his sisters. Where I see cold, calculating with lust for his sister. He reminds me of a cold blooded snake, his personality hiding underground and slithering out now and then. I also do not find him "utterly endearing" as the cover says. I don't like the cold bastard at all-pg 113 "thought about grabbing the back of her neck and smashing her face into the glass." In some respects she writes him as an intelligent, well read near-adult, in other respects he comes across as hot tempered and stupid; contradictory. So I'm confused. This kid, from what I read, has no heart. No compassion, no courage, no empathy.

He's having sex with a 33 yo mom-neighbor and only thought in his head is coming. "If she had been a board she'd have cracked down the middle." He's stupid. And he sees old graves marked "Baby" with no name....wondering how a baby can die nameless...does that sound like the rest of his lunacy? One minute he's so concerned about unborn fetus names the next he's wanting to smash people or thinking of his screw partner as an object, or a rotten peach. She's an object and a fetus isn't? Contradictions up the yin yang.

Daddy was an abusing father and I'm not sure at this point who really killed him but due to Harley's desire to punch, gouge, smash faces into windshields I'd say his propensity for violence is right up there with pop. There are " a series of staggering surprises" so I'm waiting for that. .......waiting......waiting.....and here it is...daddy was after one of the daughters! No duh.

Geez I don't know maybe I'm 'reading' it all wrong and there's lots of things to ooh and ahh about...ask Oprah she read it. There's nothing wrong with the writing/punctuation/tenses etc but the characters are 'out there'.

Monday, October 18, 2010

AUTUMN LOVER by Elizabeth Lowell ***

1868 Oater romance novel with virgins and big tough guys saving the day. Writer balances the teeny bopper naive orphaned ranch owner with her tough guy exterior as well as can be expected. Elyssa flounces around in satin and gauze crap while picking tomatoes and hoeing potatoes. Fun for all! She doesn't know that her see-through dress and hanging her tits out around the roughnecks is going to get her raped. Moron. Writer is looking for the words "cock tease" but never comes out and says it.

Eventually the big strong stupid bull-ox boyfriend screws her not knowing she's a virgin cuz she loses all ability to speak around him. Lots of ers, buts, and I means. His past involves a dead family including a selfish stupid wife and he doesn't want another one. Meanwhile cowboys and Indians, horses to break, cows to rustle, revenge killing blahblahblah.

Not a bad story if you enjoy stereotypical romance novels. I stuck thru it to the end so it didn't horrify me. :)

TOO MANY MURDERS by Colleen McCullough

Sucks for me. Too many names, first, last, nicknames. Overload of cops and altho this supposedly takes place in Virginia names are all Irish or something. HATE IT. How in my head do I read Denbigh? Or Pugh? HUH? What? Plus writer brings up that a JEW doesn't like the case he's on. I don't get a religious bio on anyone else in this crappola. Biggot bitch.

It all sounds like Merry olde England to me and I don't like it. Buh Bye! Page 55 and it's all over.

It has many cops, many murdered people supposedly by different suspects. Your call if you want to bother or not. Way over descriptive as well. Historical background to gnash your teeth on. Tally Ho!

BTW most AMERICANS are coffee drinkers we don't GAS if tea bags are stapled or sewn shut. Tea is for wussie assholes.

Friday, October 15, 2010

9th JUDGEMENT by Patterson/Paetro ****

Well, it's Women's Murder Club book 9. These 4 sort of bimbettes are friends and all work in or around the PD. Clothing is important to them, shoes, hair blahblahblah.

A movie star's wife is murdered but do they suspect the husband? HEL--LO!!! We gotta torture ourselves reading this to the end while they scratch each other's butts but never go BY THE BOOK on testing husband. Geez. Even a child knows to suspect the husband if the wife is murdered. What UP??? Miss Cop?? LOL

So aside from the blatantly obvious and all the romances and making out etc I personally wouldn't buy it, but get it from the library ya'll. You'll like it.

Murder and more than one to make it less simplistic, fast read, easy, not too many characters to distract you. There's a serial killer, and the movie star, and a wimpy cat burgler.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

FALSE PRETENSES by Catherine Coulter ***

Ok, some sort of strong-woman romance. We have the shy retiring virginal pianist married to a dude her granpaws age. OOPS he died under mysterious circumstances and now the entire rich clan of brothers, sisters, grandmaw etc is under suspicion. The protag/widow Elizabeth was acquitted because some unknown guy lied/testified he was with her or somesuch. Funny how no one asks where HE was that night huh? Just skip over that little question.

Liz was being screwed literally and figuratively by some OTHER guy Rowe, she just dumped him and has suddenly grown a pair of balls. She's now an iron maiden running her dead grandad...oops I mean husbands business etc. like she been doin it all her life. Eventually her company tries to take over another with her new beau, they fight back and forth, finally team up, discover the murderer and love busts out all over.

Amusing, entertaining and sometimes laugh out loud preposterous. But heck, it's very readable for something to occupy you before nodding off. Not horrid.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

ONCE A SPY by Keith Thomson ***

Action packed adventure, bullets flying, cars stolen and bouncing off garbage cans. Blood and gore. Drummond is over 65 thought to have Alzheimers and his son Charlie went to pick him up dazed and confused. Before they even get out the nursing home door whatever secret agency Drummond used to work for found his sketch of something and now they both must be killed.

Very easy to read, follow and minimal names to learn. I have a bitch tho. Charlie is a gambler. He cashes checks up to 5 thousand and bets it all on one horse at Aqueduct. Now I don't know what day of the week it was, but generally the "pot" or total bets probably don't exceed 5 thousand in the win pool. Probably not. In this story his horse (he says long shot but beg to differ) came in third. I assume he bet to 'win'. Which puts that particular horse as the favorite: $5,000 to WIN. I mean, probably 1:1 odds or something ridiculously small. But since the horse lost the winner was a far distant odds horse and probably paid BIG TIME to win (that sizable $5,000 pool) and surely wasn't the favorite. Writer states the 'favorite' was second after a long shot. Well after Charlies' $5,000 bet they ALL were long shots.

Putting the gambling aside...good story, like the writing style, the ease of scenes from one to the next. I wonder if Drummond is really losing it or faking. I'm at the end; one never knows who has memory issues and who doesn't. It's pages and pages of Charlie and Drummond running from killers. That's it. Everyone's a traitor, every "secret" place they run to has more killers. It gets monotonous. There isn't anything authentic about it either, so after awhile it's cartoonish. The end was unsatisfying.

Monday, October 4, 2010

MR PEANUT by Adam Ross ***

This is basically 2 stories of murders with supposedly innocent husbands but I'm almost done with the book and so far have no clue who done it. It's a page turner for sure. But there are boring to death spots...like Hawaii vacation. I don't care about the scenery blahblahblah...like the author is self indulgent braggart about being there and being amazed by EVERYthing. DGAF. Then we get the Hitchcock blahblahblah. The Pepins meet in this class but all you get for pages and pages is crap about Hitchcock and film....buddy...I didn't pay for a Hitchcock 101 class and DGAF.

Remember detective/doctor Sheppard? -Half this book is a FUGITIVE movie rerun. Sheppard lost his wife, was accused of murder and got off, one armed man..all that. That happened in the 50s and I gotta hear all about it. It doesn't carry the other story along. It's not making sense in relation to the second more current murder. The second death is an obese woman who gets skinny and her husband, it's leading up to, had her killed. Husband David cheated as a regular habit on the wife, he was bored and egotistical and had expectations of everyone around him--mostly as kiss asses. The women in the book all seem like from the 40s ...obedient, submissive, docile or super mysterious. They're more chaste here in this world of men fucking anyone.

I only have 5 pages left to read and honestly...I liked the suspense, my interest was there but began to drift when no point is made. Ever. About anything anywhere. I just don't get it. Don't understand the basic most simplistic "why" of either murder or death. I only have 10 pages left!! What? I need an interpreter?? He does a very good job of descriptions, and dragging you from scene to scene. You WANT to go. You want to read more but you don't get any satisfaction...no reward for your intensity. Nothing. Nada. He's a very good writer; in a way (suspense) but sucks in the reward department. WHY am I going to turn the page? I need a reason and I'm not getting one. Ain't got no satisfaction. Frustration.

Am done. Suddenly near the end, David's name oddly changes to Pepin. There is Alice and David PEPIN so using only Pepin is a distraction. I must have been nodding off somewhere cuz I have no CLUE why. This book is like listening to someone's dream. Remote, weird, Dali-ish. Things pop out from the sides..BOO, behind you, around you and you feel disoriented. What a waste of however long it took me to read it. Because I feel robbed. I have no tangible ending. It ends "however" dreamlike and fantastical. Not a fan.

Friday, October 1, 2010

ANGELOLOGY by Danielle Trussoni *

This one could be very interesting if it didn't bore me half to death with insignificant details. CHOP CHOP. I wish deleting every other chapter was viable.

So we're meeting someone in a park, a very secretive event with little girl Evangeline and her pop. We're told how rare this meeting seems to the little girl and it's so momentous she can remember every detail even now as an adult. "Come" daddy says then author launches into patent-leather Mary Janes, wardrobe of starched cotton blahblahblah O yeah, so we walk into a dingy neighborhood with bright signs....(bright signs? O, let me go on and bore you with what they all say) Cuppuccino, Gelato, Vino blahblahblah and 3 pages later I scan to read SOMETHING interesting......sheesh....must be paid by the word.

This is a good book to practice your scanning efforts because you WILL be doing quite a bit of it or perhaps you're tired and want to sleep. The readable parts make for a good story but it's very bogged down in crap. I'm still reading/scanning over the b.s. -my interest in the basic story is there, it's just the author lacks skill in dragging me along with her boring shit. So far all I can tell you is that some nuns protect something they don't even know what and angels live alongside humans and something somewhere is going to happen.....I sincerely HOPE. Nothing happened and I got almost half thru this monster. You need to be extremely religious, believe in angels as real...I mean ....REAL otherwise you'll be bored to tears. So much bible, so much bullshit. I couldn't finish.